think fiance has changed his mind :(

[vegetariandumpling]

hi I'm a new poster but hv noone else to talk to about this in rl.
I just got engaged at Christmas, my fiance kept asking over and over but I finally said yes. Then I waited a few weeks before I told everyone. Have now in the last couple of weeks just got round to telling almost everyone I know, and now I think he's changed his mind.

He's living in another country atm. Normally even when I'm busy I try to call him at least once a day. For the last couple of weeks everytime I call him he says he's busy or too tired to talk to me or he's still half asleep when I talk to him so convos aren't very productive (fair enough). But I can tell he's in a bad mood, and he gets annoyed with me, but if I ask him what's wrong he gets even more annoyed and then says he's too tired/busy to talk.

Last week he didn't call me for several days, and the worst part is he changed his phone number and didn't tell me. And noone in the country has my number, so if God forbid anything happened I wouldn't have anyway of finding out as there's noone I can call. When he eventually called I wasn't angry but tried to get him to empathise with how I might feel and he said he would give someone my number just in case, and he would give me his new number.

Then a few days later he still hasn't given me his number. He called me yesterday at 4am and we did actually have a pleasant convo, he didn't seem to be in a bad mood. Said he would call next week as he wants to talk to his boss about something and has to think about what to say . Again said he would give me his number 'as soon as he hung up' but has failed to do so, and clearly won't bother.

It looks like he's changed his mind doesn't it? Tbh, I think I might be changing my mind because if he really cared about me, why doesn't he want to talk to me, or let me have his phone number, or lie to me that he will give me his number? sorry this was so long.

Is he a national of the country you are moving to?

Can you work there independently of him?

I have no idea what country you are intending to go, but I used to live in Egypt and this kind of thing is very common there, meet women someway or another, she's on holiday, or online (even WORSE!), full on interest for as long as it takes, engagement due to religion not permitting you to live together, more undying love and, maybe he gets a trip to the UK, and a passport out of it, and can then be free to marry from his own and the wife is history.

It could be that (despite extreme protestations to the contrary) he is itching to come to the UK. He has simply found someone who has more to offer him than you, and is willing to give him what he wants.

FWIW, I agree with the others, the majority of the relationship is in your head, is utterly onesided, and of no end benefit to you whatsoever.

Whatever his excuses, he is treating you badly, an engagement is not supposed to be like this, he has ulterior motives, mark my words.

You, dear OP, in time will see that you are having what is officially known as a Lucky Escape.

IF (and I say HUGE IF) he's genuine, he will see what he's missing and make it up to you. FWIW, he sounds as if he is rather contemptuous of you and not a decent person, let alone partner at all.

For your own sanity, self respect, wallet, and self esteem, DO NOT GO CHASING HIM. Walk away with your head held high.

The other possibility is that (and I have seen this happen to others too) he is ALREADY MARRIED.

what hissy said

he is either

1. dumping you but too chickenshit to do it properly

2. already married

3. moved onto a better prospect

I would think he very last thing you should do is give up your whole life to follow a man who is totally untrustworthy

in fact, it is madness and you would be extremely foolish to do so

I agree, there is no way for us to know exactly what's going on with him, but something is not right about this. He wants to marry you (i.e. share his entire life with you) but isn't prepared to give you his phone number?

It doesn't sound as though you know him very well tbh, certainly not well enough to completely uprooting your life and moving abroad to be with him. Do you know his family (parents etc) and friends?

OP do you have the number yet?

Can I very diffidently offer one suggestion?

I know one couple where DH works abroad, wrangling pipes or whatever oil workers do, and DW stays at home making everything nicey-nicey.

She won't make a decision to save her life and rang him every day; sometimes twice. "Should I get these; would this be better".

He's chasing crew round a derrick.

He now works in another country. She rings him every night on Skype when he get back to the accommodation. "It's such a nuisance his mobile doesn't work there".

I occasionally go and fix taps etc. and recently went out for a beer with DH. "Odd your mobile doesn't work in X, " I said, "My uncle's does"

He was trying to manage the number of calls he got to a more suitable time of day.

Not giving you any number is a bit odd, I'd add. But if he says "Only ring at x, " it might not be entirely unreasonable.