DH and I have been having problems for a few months now and have started going to relate to try and work through them. After our relate session last week we agreed to talk further about the issues that had been discussed and in particular, the way I have been acting distant towards DH.
DH felt it could be as a result of some big arguments we had in which he ended up shouting at me quite badly. He has since apologised for this and said it has scared him how out of control he felt and that he is ashamed at his behaviour. I said it wasn't the shouting that had bothered me but what he had actually said.
During one of the arguments DH had made comments about the number of sexual partners I have had and that it probably wouldn't take me long to move someone else into the house after he left. He was very sneering when he said this and left me feeling in no doubt that he thought I was a bit of a slut.
During the talk after the relate session I explained that I felt he was judging me and that he didn't approve of my past. He couldn't really remember any of the comments he had made during the arguments and said he was probably just trying to hurt me because he was angry. I agreed but said that he must actually think those things for them to have come out.
After a bit he said: Well, you might be a slapper but you're my slapper, and I'm the one who gets to benefit from your experience. He thought this was a nice comment to make and he has since repeated it to me as proof that he doesn't care about my past. The first time he said it I was shocked and after he left the room I burst into tears as the comment really hurt me.
My DH has only slept with people while in long term relationships where I have slept with people in long and short term relationships, had friends with benefits and even a few one night stands. I'm not particularly proud of all of these but have not tried to hide any of them from DH. We obviously have different approaches to relationships but I'd never really seen it as a problem before.
Since the arguments I've felt strange around DH and have started to cringe when he touches or kisses me. I was hoping that these feelings would dissapear once we starting talking and working things out but his latest comments have just made things worse and I get a knot in my stomach when he comes near me now.
I'd previously told him that I wanted to take things slowly and wasn't ready to jump back into a physical relationship. About a week after this he started telling me how much he still fancies me and how he can't wait to get back to how we were. He makes lots of comments about sex and I feel there is lots of pressure to resume this side of the relationship. Back when we were happy he always used to joke that he'd never leave me as I was too good in bed. I was never really happy when he made comments like that but tried to take them as a compliment. Now though, they just make me feel sick inside.
What do I do now? I desperately wanted to work things out with DH as DS1 has already had to live through the break up between ExH and I and the thought of putting him through it again is killing me. Am I taking the comments to heart too much? How do I stop myself cringing when DH comes near me?