is this erectile dysfunction?

[nextThursdaynext]

help...am a name changer,but under no circumstances am i posting this on using my usual name...ive been here a while, know all about penguins and cod and mouldies... and i apologise now for the intimate details but i could do with some advice

been with DH for a very long time, he is in his mid 40s

when we first ever got together he couldnt maintain an erection (though he could always keep one for a BJ), we couldnt have penetrative sex. He saw a gp, ruled out anything physical, and we went on to have therapy which sorted out the problem very quickly. never had any problems since. we were both very inexperienced.

fast forward 20 years and last few times we have had sex he has lost his erection during sex. He fairly recently had a vasectomy though i cant think that has anything to do with it, we dont get much time together and sex isnt as frequent as it used to be, but he says he just goes numb and loses feeling. then he looses his erection. ive started joking i think he is holding out for the BJs....but its not a joke and im quickly starting to feel quite crap about it, though im not showing it, as i dont want to make an issue of it and make him feel worse or start any kind of cycle...

any wise words? need to go as DS is loitering

It probably is best to chat about this with him, as it could be eating him up inside as well as you but he might not wanna discuss it out in the open in case it upsets you.

you say that you dont get much time together. Why is this? work? family commitments? older relative care? socialising without your other half more (you or him)? or dont you want to spend time together?

you say that the vasectomy cant be the issue.. have you thought of counselling or just going to the GP as something may have changed in your relationship which is not immediately obvious to you both which has caused this.

you do need to discuss this or it will only get worse as you will get more upset and when it does come out it might be more of a problem emotionally than if you dealt with it earlier

hi, thanks for replying

its not that i dont want to talk to him but i dont want to "fix" this as a problem in his mind in case it just triggers more "episodes"

our not spending time together isnt because we dont want to - its juggling work with childcare - we are ships that pass in the night out of necessity- but we do get to spend all my days off together - we both work funny hours in stressful jobs, when we do spend time together its great, we have loads in common and get on really well.

nothing has changed in our relationship - we are a good team and we are both happy with each other, im sure he would say if he wasnt happy.

im not intending to sweep this under the carpet - im too young to live without sex, but i didnt want him worrying about it in case it just made it worse iyswim...

ill see what happens next time - it could just be a case of us not doing it often enough - our jobs make it very difficult to find the time!