Strange one- finding it hard to cope with dp's diet

[disapprovinggirlfriend]

I hope this doesn't come across as overly odd, and yes I have namechanged.
My partner and I have been together 7 months and everyhting is great. When we met I had been in recovery from anorexia and bulimia for about 6 months, and though I have struggled a bit, I think that's to be expected. I haven't weighed myself for a long time which is big progress, but my jeans were feeling tight last week so I did. I've put on a stone since I met him, which I suppose objectively is a good thing, and I could have used the weight gain tbh. I'm still only a size 10 and I can just about deal with that.
What complicates it is that dp has in the past few weeks started the Cambridge diet, and I really am finding it hard to be supportive of this as I disapprove of it so much. I know he'd feel better if he lost a few pounds but I really don't think this is the way to do it. He has 2 stone maximum to lose at a guess, and this, from what I can see is a starvation diet. It's bringing up a lot of difficult feelings for me, and I know he feels I'm being unsupportive. He lost 8 lbs this week and all I can feel is jealousy :( I miss the buzz I got when I starved myself but I know I can't. I worry he will take it too far. But most of all I am just sad that he has chosen this way to do it. It makes me really want to stop eating too, though I know how absilutely stupid that would be. We don't live together, we see each other every other day or so, so meal times aren't really an issue. Am I being unreasonable to be finding this difficult? I know it's hard to lose weight and I should be happy for him that it's working out, but it's brought up all sorts of things I don't really want to deal with. I've started finding it really difficult to sleep since he started this, and I do think it's because I've started to cut back on food :(

Thanks for the replies.
It's NHS proivision, which I really cannot fault. I say it's every 3 or 4 weeks as I only have 5 sessions left and I feel that 5 weeks is too scary a prospect, so we've been spacing them out. My therapist is brilliant, it really was an off the cuff remark that I doubt she even realised she had said so I'm not goign to dwell on it. She's a general CBT practitioner but I have access to an ED specialist who always makes herself available shoudl I need her, and I don't think I have a limit on that liek the CBT has.
I do need to go into more depth really, we are very open with each other but it is something I find difficult to discuss as I think noone will believe me now I've put weight on. Which I know is the disease talking, but there we go.
I know he's had issues with his weight, he's been much heavier and suffered very low confidence as a result. I really applaud that he's doign something positive for himself, and I really don't think he's even realised I find it difficult to hear him talkign about it. He's coming over tonight and I'm going to have to say something. It's no tthat he's not interested iyswim, it's more that it's the one area I do find difficult to be honest about. He's asked what's on my mind as I'm having trouble sleeping and I just brush it off

Sounds like NHS provision may have improved in the last few years which is good to know! Keep at it with the CBT but don't be afraid to go back to the specialist and ask for further treatment if you feel you need more, these things take time.

Good luck with talking to him tonight, he knows you have something on your mind so it will probably be a relief for both of you to talk about it. Eating disorders thrive on secrecy and shame so get it out there, talking to people you're close to about this is all part of recovery.

If you have scales please, for the love of god throw them out!! Do not approach anyone elses either, that way madness lies. Vin's absolutely right you won't end up fat, to be honest I'm staggered at the amount I can eat and not gain weight now I'm recovered. It's the intial part that's the scariest and you've come through that so concentrate on eating normally and don't enagage with the scales. Don't be shy about asking Dr's/nurses etc not to reveal your weight during consultations either, in my experience they've always been fine about it and don't ask questions.

I'll start by saying I can't read all the posts to your thread, dgf. This is because I need to avoid diet discussions - 30 years after recovering from my eating disorders!!

So, yes, I understand your problem. All I can say - as I hope others already have - is that your 'non-diet' is more important than his weight loss. Yours is a pathological, potentially fatal condition; his is a diet. I think all you can do is point this out, tell him you hope he does well on the programme and ask him not to discuss it with you.

One thing to watch out for is that eating disorders are all about food as control. Try to avoid telling other people what they should & shouldn't eat. In one sense, this current problem is great paractice for you on that - it's just a pity it's so soon after your rebalancing. Do be very careful with your own psychology: it's the most important thing at the moment.

Congratulations on getting a curve to your body! :) :) :)

That's made me smile Grace, thank you :)
You're right it is pathological whereas he is just on a diet. I cna't throw my scales away, not yet, but I do promise not to get on them. I will admit to cutting back this week but tbh all it's done is make me worry that I've buggered my metabolism as I've lost nothing. I have an appointment on Friday so I can discuss it then I suppose, and that gives me time to talk with dp in the meantime.

How did last night go dgf?

It was OK thanks. I didn't ask him to stop talking about the diet as tbh he had had a really bad day and was feeling unwell. I'm sure the diet can't be helping but I kept my mouth shut. I just felt too worn out to tackle it and a bit despondent this morning tbh. Not sure I want to go into it really, but thank you so much for your advice :)