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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

OH and HIS family

14 replies

anon80 · 13/02/2011 13:09

In the past oh's family and i never clicked, i was from the wrong side of town and his family saw it as my oh is far too good for me as they judged me by where i was from before they even got to know me.

I am anice person and think im very reasonable and take pride that i try to look at things from all angles and not just my own, this seems to be my problem at the minute.

me and oh have been together over 5 yrs now and have a LO, some of his family have now accepted me, but others havent, thi is a problem as they are all so closed knit and do everything together, were talking brothers siters, uncles aunts cousins, all very very close, and things have got worse since a reason event, where a member of oh family was taken ill, he went hospital often but a few days in i was ill and unable to look after our LO properly so asked my oh to do it as there was no one else i could have asked. This was seen as me being abit*h and a nasty peice of work, i know his family memer was ill, but his daughter needed looking after and as far as im concerned she comes before everyone, like it or lump it.

Anyway his family always invite him to places and events, in the past this has caused arguments as i have said to oh we are a couple who live together, we should both be invited to things, and the reason im not is because your family member/s dont like me- my oh never sees it as this thou and in the past has gone. the last time this happened it caused a huge row and i left with our lo ( in anger with all intentions to come back when i was calmer, he knew i would be back too ) but i could just take no more, i have never done anything to be horrible to his family, i try to be nice, over nice sometimes as i just want them to like me, or at least accept i am oh partner.

Anyway recently my Oh and not me have been invited to 2 events since our last huge argument, and has not gone, feels like he can finally see it, but now i feel his missing out on things because of me, well because his family dont like me.

In the past my oh had an uncle and aunt, the aunt never let the uncle go anywhere and was always monaing, and my oh's family hated her, as it was the uncle who was there family by blood, and his aunt the partner.

no i can almost feel his whole family bitching saying i dont let my oh do anything or go anywhere.

me and oh are not joint at the hip he still goes drinking with whoever and on football things and stag dos ect,

but like i said i feel his missing out now by standing by me- should i just accept his family will never see me as his partner so am not welcome to things and leave it at that, or stick to my guns but oh misses out on things as well.

sorry this is very very long.

OP posts:
GnomeDePlume · 13/02/2011 14:24

anon80 you DP needs to sort his relationship with his family out. He has to say to them that you are a couple and that invitations come to you both or will simply be rejected. He needs to do this willingly, himself so that his family cannot put a wedge between you.

If he cant do this then TBH I would be telling him that it is time to cut the apron strings and be a man in his own right.

femalevictormeldrew · 13/02/2011 14:28

Well done to your OH for finally opening his eyes and standing by your side. He is not missing out on these things - his family are. If they don't have the respect for you to invite you to these things, then at least they are now seeing that your OH is respecting the fact that he is with you. If they want to think bad of you they need to stand back and have a good, long look at themselves and way they are treating their sons/brothers/nephews partner, which is disgraceful. Do they get involved with your LO at all? They should be very ashamed of themselves.

ImFab · 13/02/2011 14:30

I wonder what would happen if you were to get married and invited them all to the wedding..

anon80 · 13/02/2011 14:46

they are good with our Lo, as she is seen as there family ( which she is ) even tou i am her mother - im not there family by blood, even if me and oh did get married cant see it making a diffrence as we have a child togther and have lived together for years already.

if we was to get married then they all would be invited, oh would not not let me invite them, i wouldnt even bother suggesting it.

OP posts:
ImFab · 13/02/2011 14:46

I meant would they come.

anon80 · 13/02/2011 14:53

yes they would, but them actually talking to me or even saying something to me - no.

Im just compleatly ignored- i suppose this is better than the actually giving me abuse, theve never said ( as far as i know ) anything horrible to me, there actions are hrrible, my oh even got invited on holiday by one of them - i was not ivited nor asked, they just booked the ticket without telling noone, assuming my oh would go- his said his nt going without me thou, but still its the action and what thats says as apposed to what they actually say to my face

OP posts:
squeakytoy · 13/02/2011 15:03

they really are vile sounding, especially if you have given them no reason to dislike you, and the fact that you are the mother of their grandchild

squeakytoy · 13/02/2011 15:05

How have they treated you when you have met them? And also, how are you hearing about what they have said about you?

anon80 · 13/02/2011 15:13

oh its not just the inlaws, there ok its my oh brother, his cousin and a few more, i havent heard them say nasty things to me - they just do nasty things.

when i first met the mil it was horrible, me and oh where only together days and it was shes council house, not good enoought blah blah, and out of nastyness, whe i was out with oh and the mil knew i was with him she called her son to say his yunger brother has nits, and tat she found nits on my oh's pillow- i stayeed the night before - i did not have nits neither have i done for many years ( had them afew times when i was in infant school ), and i knew i didnt have them and even told oh to go throught my hair t check, but she knew i didnt ave tem they where all just being nasty- bcos you know if your from a council estate - then you MUST have nits, this is how horrible it was, but she is better with me now, and doesnt do things like this now.

OP posts:
anon80 · 13/02/2011 15:15

wow the mistakes, I shouldnt write so fast and should check through before I submit, I know this is annoying and giving the wrong impression,
sorry again for the mistakes in the spellings

OP posts:
femalevictormeldrew · 13/02/2011 15:35

She isn't better than you, she is behaving like a spoiled brat. Is her name by any chance Hyacinth Bucket?

femalevictormeldrew · 13/02/2011 15:43

And I can promise you that she has a skeleton in her cupboard somewhere down the line. To have such feelings towards you - would have lived in a council house which is why she is so much against you - she thinks she "bettered herself" (when in actual fact she has turned into a horrible individual.

She sounds like she would like nothing better than to split you and your OH up, and you should present a united front at all times, because if they see any chink of light between you at all they will go for it.

I am sorry you are in this situation, it is, I imagine, fairly demeaning and degrading. But I would you are a much better person than any of them.

femalevictormeldrew · 13/02/2011 15:47

*Would she have lived

OK I will stop posting now

Tortington · 13/02/2011 15:53

i would totally remove myself from them completely

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