Is it the end??

[Nattynar]

Apologies that this is a long winded! I need advice from people who aren't emotionally involved in our relationship.

Bit of background, we've been together for 4 years, we have a young son, and I relocated to live with him.

Anyway got home from being at my parents. So I had my son with me the whole time, done everything for him. Been in half an hour, and find myself again, doing everything for my son whilst he sits down in front of the tv. I blow my top, and have huge row. He can't see his faults, and will tell me I'm wrong and I'm petty. That I'm a miserable cow, and negative about everything. That he does help out, and that I asks me if I love him!

So asked him last time that he bathed our son, fed him, put him to bed, not just leaving him in the cot to scream. The household chores he does, are the washing up and occasionally washes our clothes. Otherwise I do the rest! Vacumn, dust, clean kitchen/bathroom, change the beds, change our towels, fold/iron/put away our clothes, wash the floors, cleaning the windows! I do it all! And have to pick up after him! He says it's because I have OCD, and I just love to clean. He makes comments about me sleeping late at the weekends. I don't feel connected to him at all!

Yet he can't see that he has done anything wrong. Am I the miserable cow?

You sound like you view him as another child. He sounds like he views you as a nagging mum.

Does he work?

It sounds like you have different opinions about "everything" and the resentment has built up. When you're both calm, I suggest you draw up a chore chart between you so that you know exactly what is expected and when. Then, find a babysitter - pay if necessary, this is important! - and go out on a proper date, like you did when you first met. In fact, if you can recreate the first date in some way, do! Or a date scene from a film you both like... Remind yourselves what it's like to be an adult couple

Some guys are just not natural home makers and parents. It needs something to wake them up and make them realise they need to do more to help.

Getting angry and complaining will not work. Go away for a few days with the child without telling him, and when he then starts to miss you and be open to discussion then sit down with him and set out what the problems are.

Draw up a written plan of where he needs to improve and where at the same time you can improve.

Thanks, I have gone a few times. When I come back it's all I've changed, I'll do things better.

Last night, I was angry and told him I didn't want to talk about it. And that I would get over it. But he pushed the subject, and it escalated!

Yeah he does work. That's his main argument. I do understand. But when he gets in, he seems to think that his work is done. I will be working too, and I'm freaking out at the prospect!

Purple- you are quite right. I cannot remember the last time we went out just the 2 of us. It's normally separately, or with a group.

I did write a list. He went ballistic about it!