Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

advice needed re parents

10 replies

mummypontipine · 12/02/2011 22:24

parents really upsetting me and really don't know what to say or do
have 4dcs older 2 are in their teens 17 and 14 younger 2 are 5 and nearly 1

i have 2 siblings who have both had first dcs in last 4 years

problem is my mum and dad treat us really differently to the others .

when dc1 was born first thing my mum said was don't ask me to babysit and she never has
never invited to family wedding as dcs not wanted etc , never visite for dc's birthdays
birthday present is a £5 note if they are luckyor even a secondhand dressing gown for dc2 . they are not poor by the way , live in a very large house expensive holidays ,lavish gifts on my dns and siblings etc

after dc3 was born we hasd a christening arranged around my parents as they were in the country they missed the service after arriving late and left after 1 hour to visit ny siblind . they then phoned to say dsil was expecting and it would be someone for my dc3 to bully dc3 was 10 weeks old at the time .still feel really angry about this 5 years on . this dn is now the apple of my mums eye ,he can do no wrong , when he bites , hits,refuses to share with my dc3, i'm not allowed to say anything beause dn is so good etc . the biting is done with no provacation (dc3 was sitting on my lap doing nothing when he was bitten this time )on my dcs part . i'm now not wanting to visit because it really upsets to see dc3 who is a really gentle wee soul treated like this

now my siblings have children my mother is overthem like a rash , comes over from france for every birthday of dns , xmas etc fly in from france at the drop of a hat if dns need babysitting etc

dc1 is nearly 18 and dc4 1 1 4 days later and my parents have said no way they can visit etc but will be over the following 2 months for my dns birthday

feeling really hurt and upset , don't know what to say . for years i defended them to dh who could see how unfairly i was treated . it was n't until my dns aRRIVED that i could see it wasn't just they didn't want to be gps buti was being treated completely differently to my sibs .

if they treated us all the same they're would be no problem . did cut contact for over a year after the christening incident but felt so guilty i contacted them again.

sorry for the terrible typing dc4 is on my lap

OP posts:
CarGirl · 12/02/2011 22:27

Honestly, I wouldn't bother with them anymore. Spend your energies on people who are worth whether it be friends/other family memeber/in-laws.

FoiledAgain · 12/02/2011 22:30

There seem to be a lot of threads like this at the moment.
Can you not ask them why they do it? Letter?

mummypontipine · 12/02/2011 22:31

thanks cargirl deep down i really know that's what i need yo do for my dcs and my sanity

think it might be easier just not to be available when contacted rather than formall breaking contact

they always make me feel thay i'm being unreasonableand it's mum but dad just does as he's told . he was the reason i recontacted them .

OP posts:
mummypontipine · 12/02/2011 22:33

i did a letter a few years ago and they just denied they were doing anything differently and it was me being unreasonable etc

i know i will never get any answers

OP posts:
FoiledAgain · 12/02/2011 22:34

In which case you need to start changing the way you allow it to affect you.
There is a book that many on here receommend - you can get it on Amazon. It's called "Toxic Parents" by Susan Forward.

CarGirl · 12/02/2011 22:39

I would also seek some counselling as you clearly have issues "allowing" yourself to stop having contact with them. You don't have to formally do anything just stop making any effort and they will probably just disappear.

mummypontipine · 12/02/2011 22:59

thanks will definitely get that book
yes i do think i have aproblem allowing mself to loose contact . i keep hoping things wil change but kniw nothing will

OP posts:
mummypontipine · 12/02/2011 23:01

also problem is one of my siblings lives 5 minutes awaY so quite difficult to avoid them

OP posts:
atswimtwolengths · 12/02/2011 23:02

What do your siblings say about it? Have you spoken to them?

mummypontipine · 12/02/2011 23:12

i'm not sure how to broach the subject . i suspect they think my parents can do no wrong and it's all my fault

part of the problem is when my first dcs were born mum was early 50s not ready to be a gp . also she likes to be centre of attention and with 2 dcs i wasn't able to make her my centre iyswim

OP posts:
New posts on this thread. Refresh page