grandparents and favouritism - WWYD?

[feedme]

I have 3 great children - all adults now, with the youngest aged 22. Whenever I speak to my parents (who are their only gp's) they always make a big deal about asking after one of them, and are obviously not interested in the other 2. It's been like this for years.
Anyway, I don't have a brilliant relationship with my mum, but I'm trying hard. So, when I'm on the phone, and the're asking about the beloved GC, do I rock the boat and say, 'why don't you ask about x and y? and risk setting back my relationship with them?
Also, can anyone give me an insight into why people do this. ? My sister says they're too old and set in their ways to challenge (they're in their 80s). Is she right?

Well, who matters most to you? Your mum or your kids?

To me, that's the question you ask yourself. And, based on your answer, you know what to do.

Although what they are doing is clearly not right I am inclined to agree with your sister. My Mum is 88 and there are things I would like to discuss with her about our family but I should have done it years ago. She struggles to understand things which she once did so I leave it. Others may well disagree with me but for us its just to late. Nothing would be gained now.

I would put her on the spot and say "did you want to know about "x" and "z" too?

I'm sure its hurtful for you but ask yourself if its only you who knows and cares about this. Do your other two children know they are being treated differently? Do they adore their grandparents while they ignore them when they are around or do the grandparents engage with them (if only politely) when they are around? Perhaps your two other children ignore their grandparenets and they feel more connected with the other one? Is the one child they ask after a firstborn child by any chance? Sometimes relatives get more attached to firstborns as they have seen them more and get one-to-one contact. Not excusing it. Or is the child they ask after perhaps doing "successful" things like going to university or having a professional job whereas the others don't? Some people are more shallow/narrow minded. If your two other children aren't bothered by it or know about it at all if I were you I would just make a point of talking lots about the other two when on the phone to your mom and just briefly mention their favorite - even if just to make you feel better. Otherwise I'd just leave it.