H says it's over

[janeyxxx]

I have namechanged as there are a couple of people on here who know me in rl.

I don't usually post in relationship threads but I am feeling so crushed at the moment. Last night H told me our marriage of 20 years is over.

We have had our ups and downs but the last three years have been so hard due to our DD's illness. It has put a huge strain on us and H now says it's over. Just yesterday we seemed so happy and then last night an issue came up with DD and he felt I wasn't supporting him and said he'd had enough.

H has offered to leave but I said no although I'm not sure how we can stay under the same roof.

What do I do? Is it a good idea to see a solicitor straight away?

I have always been a SAHM and have no qualifications. I have to stand on my own two feet but have no idea where to start. I just feel sick and can't eat.

Sorry to sound so pathetic, I guess I just need a bit of virtual hand holding. I don't feel I can talk to anyone in rl as my children don't know yet.

Something must have triggered this if things were fine yesterday!

Do you think he really means it? or do you think he is just saying that in order to get his own way (you said you had an issue with dd last night)

Thanks for replying.

The trigger was an issue with DD last night. He did get his own way but I confess I didn't like his attitude towards her and I didn't speak up and support him. He softened towrds her when she cried but like a typical teenager she didn't appear to be listening intently when he started off. I just sat in the chair listening and then later on we argued about my lack of support.

I do think he means it.

are you able to say what the problem with your dd was about? It must be something pretty major if your dh is gonna divorce you over it!

DD has had some mental health problems H and I have disagreed in the past about how best to help her. We are complete opposites but have usually found some common ground and she has recovered well.

H has always been a controling type of person so I don't suppose that has helped. Last night everything just came to a head and he told me he was at the end of his tether.

Will I make things worse by seeing a solicitor or does it make sense to get advice straight away?

Perhaps you should speak with your H again and determine if he really does want to leave. If he does, I think it makes sense to see a solicitor asap - if only so that you know where you stand and what to expect.

Thank you for caring. It just helps to be able to write it down.

I will speak to a solicitor this week and get some initial advice. I will update.

Janey, you dont say anything about how you feel about H.

You mention he can he controlling, you mention ups and downs and being married 20 years, that DD has problems which causes a strain on your relationship and how difficult it would be to start again as you've spent years being a SAHM. Of course DD comes first and getting on with living, and it is hugely scary to be suddenly on your own with children...

but... well I wondered - are or were YOU happy with H? And how he treated you?

there is probably alot more to it than your dd probs.....throw away 20 years for this? i dont think so

has anything else changed over past year or so??