Nodding and "umming" isn't a 2 way convo is it?

[Codsworth]

We're sat in the car waiting for DS to come out of school. Topic of convo comes around to a lad DP knows who is giving up college to get a job. DP says it was a waste of a good brain. I agree. I then say something along the lines of "you can't get a decent job these days without qualifications" and DP says "umm". I then say "I think I will insist on DS doing a-levels". DP nods. I say "wouldn't you?" DP says "umm". I say "I wish I'd done a-levels" DP says "umm". I say "well, at least English" DP says "umm". I'm really, really trying at this point to keep a conversation going. I say "Well I'll insist on DS doing English at least". DP closes his eyes and nods. I sigh and look out of window. DP says "what?" so I say "Its like trying to get blood out of a stone talking to you" and he says "I am talking! I'm nodding. I'm agreeing with you".

Umming and nodding is not holding a conversation, is it.

Don't suppose it matters as we're splitting up (thank fuck) but I'm not being unreasonable to think a conversation needs more than this, am I? I'm thinking for future reference.

Just to clarify, this isn't a recent change in behaviour since we decided to split, he's always been like this. If a convo interests him, he'll talk. If its something he's not that interested in, he won't even respond. I cited this as part of a reason for wanting to split and he still doesn't understand what I mean.

It's a crap way to communicate, I agree.

I am also splitting from my dh and he was nothing but vileness to me this morning and I absolutely did nothing to provoke it.

Some men are just miserable bar stewards who don't deserve to have a loving happy cheerful partner.

Ah yes the 'I will rile you by being non-committal' thing. Annoying isn't it. I tend to get my phone out and talk to someone who is capable of giving proper answers until they take the hint.

I have namechanged to reply but my dh does this and it drives me mad. i mean how much effort does it take to form a word or sentence?

I am also splitting from dh due to his non communication. months of evenings where there are only 'umms' or mono grunts.

Yes, my dh does this too - soemtimes doesn't even answer at all :(

Ok, going against the grain here, but I kinda feel sorry for the bloke. Or rather, I sympathise with him.

In mine and DH's relationship, he is the chatty one and I'm the 'umm'er. I can't relate to why people talk as much as they do. I get irritated that people make a point, then make the same point again, then again, but they're just saying the same thing in different ways. It infuriates me, I feel like saying 'yes, I got it the first time' but instead I say 'uh huh' until they run out of steam.

In the situation you describe, your (ex?) DP was obviously making conversation as he told you about the kid that left college. You both agreed that you wouldn't want your DS to do the same. In my view, that's it, job done, you both agreed. But you kept prattling on and then caused an argument

I'm not saying you're wrong to like to talk, that's your thing, talk away. I'm just saying that he's not wrong either, to not like labouring the point. You know he's not into it, that's why you split. So choose your audience better.

I agree with kathy. I'm also not sure how you think you can "insist" that a 16 year old sits A levels and choosing his A levels for him sounds controlling, so maybe your husband agreed noncomitally rather than say he thought you were talking crap.