Anyone still enjoying sex after having children?

[TDelight]

I have been married for 6 years, have a great marriage and 2 beautiful daughters, 2 years and 8 months. I used to love to have sex but since having children I have lost the desire to have sex. I love my husband but I just never feel "horny" or wanting to have sex, I don't even get wet properly during sex. I try to have sex with my husband once/twice a week and surprisingly I enjoy it once we have started it but I am so not interested in initiating it... My husband is very considerate in bed, it is not like I am expected to perform solo but still it is soo hard to even think about having sex. I love to cuddle up in bed, and kiss, but that always leads to sex so I don't like doing that anymore.. Is there anything out there (herbal remedy/medicine) that would help increase my libido? I don't want to upset my husband or stop having sex with him... I love him and I want to please him but I don't know how to get the desire back! Sorry if I have offended anyone with a lot of "sex" talk but I need help!

oh good point nailpolish! (can you tell my first child was an unplanned surprise? I never got on well with the pill!)

if you go to the GP about the iron/thyroid thing, ask him about the dryness because I think there can be medical causes for that aswell. I also think the thought of not being able to have nice kisses and cuddles without it leading to sex is a real turn off - I had that problem for a while and I actually had to lay down the law (which made me feel worse initially) and point out that sometimes because I wanted a snuggle didn't mean I wanted the rest that came with it. I don't know about your dh but mine seemed to need this spelt out quite literally!

i cant think of any more advice i could give you that wouldnt be better than foxinsocks

but i think its a good start that you realise something is wrong and you seem to be quite levelheaded about it all

one more thing i wanted to tell you - i remember after my 1st baby i had put on tons of weight - dh went out and bought both of us bikes and we went out and got fit - it was such a laugh too. we just strapped babe on the back on a baby thingy (she was not a newborn by this time i hasten to add!)

good luck xxx

As someone put on our antenatal class --- "There's no point anymore".

Nailpolish- thank you for the good advice- A bit more excercise wouldn't kill I suppose... I need to think about that.. and get hubby to agree! He is travelling quite a lot now so don't know how active he wants to be on the weekends!

i'll add my personal bit now

i think a combination of lack of sleep and readjusting to getting up during nights for feeds is the main contributing factor, or was for me.

but totally agree with as soon as you start to feel confident and happy bout yourself again LOOK OUT DH!!!!!!!!

my god....... kids do have that sixth sense to parents who have just started getting intimate.....they are better than a cold shower when they start squawking!!!!!

gee..... men get it easy!!!! we have so much to deal with...huh???!!!!

mimi5 - i'm impressed........ thats why 5 is on way???????? ((((((((((((HUGS)))))))))))

Hi Tdelight, I was sooo horny when I was in late stages of pregnancy, and couldnt get enough!(every day!)
Now I tend to be too tired or not in the mood, think its down to general day to day life!
I have been dreaming of a weekend away with dh, would you be able to do this? Easier said than done, I know. A break from the old routine?

Dd is 5 years old and sex has never been pleasurable since. In a way I still hate him for making me go through the whole giving birth thing. The only thing that will interest me in sex again is if I have an affair with the JCB singer. Not that I'm obsessed at all, it's just a sad fact.

mumfor1sttime- I am very fortunate in that I get lots of time with dh, we can sleep in on the weekends, we sometimes go away for the night etc. There is always help at hand so we can do what we like.. I still believe my problem is a bit medical, ie missing ingredients from my body. Went to bed at 10:00 last night and woke up at 11:00 this morning- how pathetic is that? My body needed that sleep though! I don't do this all the time but just once a week I let my body determine how much sleep it needs but I find it strange that I want to sleep that long.. Anyway dh coming back tonight after a week away so fingers crossed I will be more willing....

I enjoy fantastic sex after having children, but not with the man I had children with!

I find it hard to switch from being "mum" all day - running around knackered making snacks, meals, reading stories, cleaning, laundry, ferrying children around, coping with their friends coming round. playgroup, school runs etc that when they are in bed I want me time. For me, that doesn?t mean get my kit off and accomodate my DH, but it means, long warm bath, in bed watching telly or in bed with a good book with no DH interruptions, looking over my shoulder "pestering". I feel as if I have been a dutiful mum all day and want to "clock off" not have to be a "dutiful wife" and find the energy to get all sexy and romantic. Of course, DH sees after children?s bedtime as "his turn" for my attention and I should find it intimate and relaxing....hmmmm The more he tries to "encourage" me, the more I feel the pressure to perform and feel even less in the mood. Often it feels like I have to put ""me" time on hold so that my DH can have a bit of "us" time. Crazy.
So I really do sympathise. I would love to be able to cuddle up to my DH and give him a kiss without him imediately thinking his luck is in. I would lokve to find more energy etc.
We have started a routine where my parents pick the children up and take them out on a Sunday afternoon. This is helping matters as I am not so tired and even find myself enjoying it again. However, as it is a regular slot I am even starting to feel the pressure that he expects me to switch into "dutiful wife" mode the minute they leave the house when sometimes I would like to curl up by the fire and watch a black and white movie with him instead.
There has been a lot of good advice on this thread - might give some of it a shot

love it twinset I wish I was having sex with someone other than my husband! After seven years of trying for a baby and 10 IVF attempts I have no desire to sleep with my husband a thte moment I don't know that I ever will. At the moment he is bugging the hell out of me as he never helps out and it feels like I have two children! Quite frankly I am glad when he goes out for the evening and I get some peace. I have even told him to go skiin in January so I can have a week on my own. Am I normal? Will thigns get better? Although I think this is how my mum felt about my father too after she had the four of us!

From listening to friends I think you are normal, dp and I have only been together three years so there is time for us yet!

thanks twinset I hope things get better because I do quite like my dh and want to have another baby v soon. I think that having sex about seventy million times trying to get pregnant has taken the gloss off it a bit, especially when your doing it when you don't really feel like it.

What am i to do!?! d/h and I are finally getting away for a night in posh hotel(this is first night away in 5 years of marriage) together d/h parents looking after kids 4 yrs and 2.5 yrs. Have been wanting this for so long and d/h has had vascectomy with lots of complications still not 100% right and the one night it suited everyone.......my period is due!!??? plus it is next week so too late to take pill and has been years since i took pill so forget sort of how it works to stop period if you know what i mean. Selfish me is still going have mentioned it to him sort of!?! oh dear hope it comes late... i am never late. any suggestions anybody?

I think I want it more since having the last 2. But that could be that I really fancy my husband. He has to fake headaches poor love!

I actually find it easier and more comfortable to have sex since having children cos I'm more stretchy down there (sorry if tmi!!)

PuddingAndPie: get a cap/diaphragm! Not always the most unintrusive form of contracption, but they do hold back blood for a couple of hours!

Thanks for tips cheap towel to be bought!!! plus there will definately be loads of alcohol. Have saved two bottles of bubbly for occasion so it will surely be the uninvited guest will let you know how it goes!?!

Week-end was great and miracle of miracles period was late and did not come until sunday so we had great fun on the friday night. Towel was not needed!?! want to go away for night together every month now not every five years!?!