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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

If I just turn up at refuge.....

40 replies

junecarter · 09/02/2011 13:03

.....with 4 kids, no money, from abroad (europe),what will happen?

OP posts:
JustForThisOne · 09/02/2011 13:06

on what ground will you be seeking refuge?

HecateQueenOfWitches · 09/02/2011 13:09

Impossible, given such little information, to even try to hazard what would only be a guess based on what's likely for most people here to be a limited understanding of the system anyway

Original poster
junecarter · 09/02/2011 13:09

domestic abuse. Ongoing for many years..

OP posts:
MmeLindt · 09/02/2011 13:10

Are you a UK citizen?

HecateQueenOfWitches · 09/02/2011 13:10

do you mean a refuge - as in a women's refuge?

You don't mean asylum, do you? You mean a women's aid place?

Original poster
junecarter · 09/02/2011 13:10

BTW I am English been away for 11 years.

OP posts:
scurryfunge · 09/02/2011 13:10

Contact women's aid first and they will best advise you.

Original poster
junecarter · 09/02/2011 13:11

Yes A refuge

OP posts:
scurryfunge · 09/02/2011 13:11

here

EngelbertFustianMcSlinkydog · 09/02/2011 13:11

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
junecarter · 09/02/2011 13:12

Can't get to a phone. He is always around.

OP posts:
Original poster
junecarter · 09/02/2011 13:12

Yes family still in the area.

OP posts:
scurryfunge · 09/02/2011 13:13

Are you abroad at the moment? Can you seek consular help? Can you physically get out of the county?

scurryfunge · 09/02/2011 13:13

country.

Original poster
junecarter · 09/02/2011 13:14

Sorry for the weirdness in my posts; he is asleep on the sofa and I am afraid he will wake up and see what I'm doing.

OP posts:
Bramshott · 09/02/2011 13:15

June - you can also email Women's Aid on [email protected], and read their useful tips for covering your tracks online (so he can't see that you've contacted them) here

scurryfunge · 09/02/2011 13:15

Have you got access to passports?

HecateQueenOfWitches · 09/02/2011 13:15

ok. well first things first.

Where are you? Your starting point is vital if people are to be able to give you any meaningful advice.

Are you able to physically get yourself and the children out of the house?

Are there any laws in the country where you are that prevent you taking your children out of the country without his permission?

Original poster
junecarter · 09/02/2011 13:16

Yes, if I can get my head straight I can get enough money together within a week or two for journey, but it will be hard.

OP posts:
Original poster
junecarter · 09/02/2011 13:18

Can't say where, sorry..
yes phyically can get out.
No laws. We are not married and as such has no parental rights here.

OP posts:
Original poster
junecarter · 09/02/2011 13:20

I guess what I'm asking people is will we be okay?
I have been planning this for so long.

OP posts:
NicknameTaken · 09/02/2011 13:23

You need to talk to Women's Aid, because they don't publicize the addresses of refuges, for obvious reasons. You can arrange with them to come to a certain place at a certain time (in my case a railway station) and a taxi will meet you there.

If you're at risk, it's better to get out and worry about other things later. But bear in mind you will have to talk to a lawyer as soon as you can once you're out, because there may be legal issues around taking the dcs out of their country of habitual residence (Hague Convention). Don't let this stop you, however. You will be able to deal with it when the time comes.

findingthepath · 09/02/2011 13:25

Get to the uk and then call womans aid when you are here and i'm sure they will help.

Good luck and big hugs.

Stay strong. You can do this.

NicknameTaken · 09/02/2011 13:26

And to answer your immediate question, once you're in the refuge, you can relax and be taken care of for a bit. They will make sure you have toiletries and food and will help you sort out applications for benefits and housing and school for the dcs. You'll be able to get your head straight. It's great to have that safe space after you've been scared and confused for a long time.

LisamumtoJake · 09/02/2011 13:28

Be strong and get out while you're thinking of it, you will most certainly get help when you get here, good luck and all the best wishes in the world to you and your children, and well done for being so very brave.