married and lonely

[onelastchance]

is it normal to feel so lonely when you're married, even when your h is with you (in body) most evenings?

I have friends who i see, so it's not that causing a problem, just feeling totally alone with h.

yes we've had many problems, things seemed better for a while, but now just feel so alone . I have told him, not much reaction

It's a horrible feeling - the worst kind of loneliness. What's happened to your marriage, do you know? Hearing your wife say "I'm lonely with you" would be pretty devastating for all but the most wooden man, I should think - how did he react?

Thank goodness you have friends, anyway. I hope you're able to talk to them about how you feel. It helps.

Sorry, OLC, I should have looked up your recent threads. Don't feel you have to answer :)

Olc, it's far lonelier being with someone than being on your own. I do remember some of your posts though. Maybe this is understandable insecurity surfacing and on a new day, with the sun shining, you will look at things differently. Can you take a deep breath and work out what it is that you really need from this relationship. I think there's always a list of 'this is what I'd love in an ideal life' then 'this is the basic needs I have'. You have to make sure your basic needs are met, then look for the rest but if you're not communicating honestly then you'll never know whether those needs could be met in this relationship.

Im not sure whether this helps at all. I've been there and it's horrible but with hindsight I wish I could have clearly said 'this is the dealbreaker' rather than trying to get to the ideal all in one go.

Big hugs x

He said this morning he's going to try harder and he loves me.

My basic needs are met in most ways. Just feel like i'm talking to myself alot - he apparently doesn't hear me or forgets things we've discussed. make me feel like no point in talking to him. he doesn't express much and very little physical affection between us

wonder what's best to do?...

OP, my DH is similar to yours. Even when we are in same room, we don't communicate.
Have booked a restaurant for his birthday next month. It will be first time we've been out together in nearly 2 years. But I just know we will be one of those couples who just eat and have nothing to say to each other.
So sad.

not too sure of your back story, with XH I was lonely, which as someone else said is the worst sort of loneliness tbh - i'd rather be on my own any day of the week.

you do deserve to be living your life not simply existing in it.

tbh looking back, I think for me it was a lack of confidence and other things going on - (we had other probs thou) does that sound familiar at all - sort of a if I was happier in the situation wouldn't feel the same sort of thing?

poor you ff. Thing is we do go out, prob about once a month and usually have a good time. it's the day to day stuff...not listening, apparent lack of memory

Is it just you he doesn't seem to listen to, or everyone?
And when you say you have a good time when you go out, is this cos you actually talk to each other or other people?

yes, wen we go out, it's often just the 2 of us and we do talk