Feelings of envy/jealousy about a friend's new business

[Dorothyredboots]

Can you help me get this out of my head. A close friend has just embarked on taking on a franchise business and I'm feeling crap about it as it is something I would dearly love to do (and was in fact exploring the idea before she jumped in with her size 8s). It is something I got her interested in in the first place. For practical reasons I cannot do this business at the moment so she has not done me out of something I could have had IYSWIM. It feels a bit like your best friend going out with your ex (you can't have him and it hurts when someone slse can). I'm finding it really difficult to be enthusiastic for my friend. I made a big effort when she told me and said I will help her all I can. She asked if my DH might help her with business things as he has his own buisness. She knows i would love to do this myself. She has just returned to work after a spell off with depression followed by a two week trans Atlantic cruise: I don't know if I should envy her or pity her. She is widowed (8 yrs ago) and no SO. I have my problems like everyone els but I'm happy with DH, have a nice home, and I know I should count my blessings... why can't I? I feel I supported her when she was poorly, but I don't seem to get much back. Should I just try to back off and not be around her? Am I making a fuss over nothing? Be honest I can take it!

Hi Dorothy,

I have a roughly similar experience, a friend of mine from school ended up with the career I've wanted since I was a kid - the only career I've ever really wanted, I don't have it - I could be doing it but she is confident and puts herself forward for things, plus she has a supportive husband and family - I have none of that (shy, single mother, no family, billy no mates).

Anyway it was a while ago now, but it plunged me into a deep depression; that sounds dramatic but her achievement kind of highlighted everything my life was (is) lacking.

The way I got past these feelings was to see it as a test of my character. What my friend is doing is essentially irrelevant. Me feeling jealous, bitter, hurt etc is nothing to do with her. What I don't have is unconnected with what she does have.

If you're fixed on this (as I was) I'd suggest maybe you're missing some kind of personal fulfilment. You say you cannot take on this franchise at the moment but is there something else you'd like to do that you can focus on? Even a new skill or something creative you've always wanted to try? Or is the franchise something that your friend could do with some seriously involved help with? Maybe there's potential for a partnership there...

partnership! exactly what I thought when I got to the bottom of your post.

You're not able to do it now so why not help her until you can build up to a fully fledged partnership.

Do you think you could work together given some of the other feelings you described about not getting much back?

I'd say your feelings are normal though - the road not taken and all that....

can you just tell her that, forget your dh, you can help her and take it from there?