Advice needed

[beddybyes]

Hi I've just split with my partner of 6 years we have two girls aged 3 and 4. He is moody and agressive (not violent) and i just cant take it anymore. I'm really worried about how the split will effect my girls they know what he is like and often say daddy is being horrible to us when he shouts at them but at other times he is a good dad, they think the world of him. Please can anyone offer advice on how to help them come to terms with the split and him moving out (he hasnt gone yet) also how the heck do we sort out maintenence and when he sees them etc.... because of his disposition and temper i wouldnt feel happy with them going his house/flat he's also had problems with drink aand drugs in the past so that will be a massive worry to me, any advice will be appreciated i feel im at the bottom of a very big mountain i have to climb. Also worried for myself, will i have any kind of future :(

So sorry you are feeling like this - going through something similar at the minute and its not easy is it?

My DH has moved out just now and we say to DC (1 and 3) that he is just working and it seems to work they dont say anything and seem to be ok but its early days and they havent asked anything yet.

Sure someone will be along with more advice soon

Hi thanks for the message, that was my first idea to say about the working thing, he works odd hours so they would go with that, not sure how long i'd be able to keep it up for tho. I feel so sad that they will have to go thru this and no idea where to begin with the mechanics of it all, access, money etc

accrss.......can someone supervise? otherwise,could he take them out to public places? he could also phone them midweek.....usual accrss would be every other weekend with a mid week tea or something

Assuming he's been living with you and the girls all their lives - and that you have left them alone with him at some point during that time, it seems a bit OTT to suddenly suggest he is a danger to them. (Obviously if my assumption is incorrect then ignore!)Has he taken the split really badly? Gone on a massive bender, made any wild threats etc?

Have you thought about mediation? Having a neutral third party might help keep tempers in check. If he is still living in the family home then contact isn't an immediate problem - be aware that meny men would not consider leaving the family home until they have contact sorted as otherwise they are deemed to have 'left' their children.

There are parenting plans available on the web that give you a framework to start discussions, if that would help. Try not to stress yourself out wanting to get everything sorted and set in stone straight away - these things take time (getting over a break up isn't easy, people do irrational things etc). Best of luck, BTW, it sounds as if you will be happier.

I didnt say before he sufffers with sever depression, the last 18 months have been a living hell, when he is having a really dark spell he is unbearable to be around. The girls have seen and heard things i'd rather they hadn't. I have tried to protect and sheild them from the worst of it, there has been many a saturday i have been out of the house from 9 in the morning to 6 in the evening just to keep them away from him. When he's feeling ok he really is a different person, he plays and laughs with the girls, cooks and draws with them and they love him but they are very awear of his brooding moods, theey can tell when he's building up to going off on one and they cling to me and wont be left with him. I know they wont be in any pysical danger (unless he starts drinking again which he hasnt sone for 18 months) it's their emotional well being i'm worried about, i really dont think they would want to stay away for a weekend with him. I think I am trying to sort it all out straigt away, I should just chill a bit and work it out as we go.