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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

How are you supposed to react when you find out something crap

11 replies

bestmamaderwelt · 07/02/2011 17:23

about a relationship that has already ended?

I was with my Ex for 4 years we have a son. But iv just found out that he had an affair when my son was a month old.

It seems he also felt the need to broadcast it through forums at the time. Not for advice but more because he was proud of it Confused

What is one supposed to do? Ignore it or say something? I'm actually more gutted than i thought i would be given i thought i was over it.

OP posts:
deste · 07/02/2011 17:27

Rise above it and be glad he is your ex.

ThreeBubbasAndManyBumps · 07/02/2011 17:54

It would bother me too but I would confide in a few close (and trustworthy) friends but make sure he never found out that it got to me.

Poor you.

Original poster
bestmamaderwelt · 07/02/2011 17:57

But what do i do on contact, when he next visits his son? Say noting and pretend i dont know?

OP posts:
Glamour · 07/02/2011 18:01

id just mention in a matter of a fact way that you know what a lying cheat he is, dont make a big fuss just mention it casually, that will play on his mind

WhenwillIfeelnormal · 07/02/2011 18:33

Put on your best smile and tell him what a monumental relief it was to find out, because it has made you feel so much better about the break-up. You could say that you would have preferred to have known it at the time, as it would have saved time, but that this knowledge has completely liberated you as you knew your instincts were right all along.

Original poster
bestmamaderwelt · 07/02/2011 18:37

Fantastic. Bearing in mind this is a man who revels in knowing he has even the tiniest bit off control over me this sounds like sound advice. Thank you.

OP posts:
bubblewrapped · 07/02/2011 21:05

I would say nothing unless a golden opportunity presents itself.

If you bring the subject up, he will just assume you still care, and if he thinks it is hurting you, he will enjoy that if he still gets off on thinking he has some control or that you harbour feelings for him.

YankNCock · 07/02/2011 21:08

what bubblewrapped said, I'd keep silent on it unless an opportunity presents itself. And then you nonchalantly say 'oh yes I knew about that ages ago, only confirmed getting rid of you was the best thing I ever did'

Original poster
bestmamaderwelt · 07/02/2011 22:02

Oh gawd OK must learn to bite my tongue and do the adult thing.

Obviously better in the long run and don't want to give him the satisfaction.

I hope im right in thinking that to broadcast it as he did on a forum were all of his friends go is a bit weird?

OP posts:
HandDivedScallopsrgreat · 07/02/2011 22:10

Oh god yes, he is a loon! It's all about him isn't it. No consideration for you, your DS or the woman he had an affair with.

Original poster
bestmamaderwelt · 07/02/2011 22:23

Loon is spot on!

Its fairly humiliating to think his friends new as well, but they did all seem to lack basic morals and principles so guess i shouldn't let it bother me.

And fingers crossed tomorrow after the anger has subsided i will look on it like all you lovely people said as confirmation that him being an ex is fanfuckingtastic Grin

OP posts:
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