Read what DP wrote about me-cant see anyway to recover from this

[darleneconnor]

DP has been writing notes in a notebook. He never called it a diary but he wrote little snippets of our life in note form. He said he said he would go over it later to bulk it up into proper prose but for now it was just a memory aid. I asked if I could read it but he said only when it was finished.

I'm a really open, honest person. I never try to hide anything from him so this secrecy made me feel uncomfortable. I know this is different for different couples but I really dont want to be in a relationship with secrets, something DP is very aware of.

So, I sneeked a peek. He saw me doing it but didn't try to stop me. I couldn't have imagined anything worse. His 'notes' are basically just a character assassination on me. It's like he's gathering evidence to use against me in the future.

To put this in context, a while ago, when he came home drunk one night we had a big argument where he said if we split up he would use everything he knew about me to fight for custody of DD. Tbh I've never really trusted him since but I thought everything was going great recently.

Now it seems like he wants out and is trying to paint this warped picture of our life so he can take DD with him. He has no PR so knows that I have the upper hand if we split so it seems that he is doing this to level the playing field.

This all happened yesterday. I had to put it to the back of my mind because we had family/in-law stuff to do but noow this evening that I've had a couple of hours to let it sink in I just cant get over the breakdown in trust. I feel like I'm being policed in my own home. The kids and I have had a nice night, pizza, film and stories, but just as he came in (3 hours late and drunk) I was telling off DS for spilling yoghurt in the kitchen. I said to DP 'great that you come in just as this is happening, we've been having fun, now you've got something else to write in your book about me'. He stormed off to the other room. I told him to leave the house but he laughed at me. Now I'm sitting with not a clue what to do next.

Since I lost my job I'm financially dependent on him. I HAVE to fix this.

Benefits will pay your intrest on the mortgage after 9m. He sounds like someone you should run to the hill from (by this little snippet). Can you get another job? Do you want to leavehim but just feel stuck?

"Since I lost my job I'm financially dependent on him. I HAVE to fix this."

It may seem that way, but are you really saying you want to stay with him for his money?

There are lots of practical things you can do to make sure you don't loose your house.

You could find another job / take in a lodger.

You could rent a smaller place with cheaper rent, and find tenants to pay the mortgage on your place until you're in a position to take it back on again.

You could put your mortgage onto interest only until you're working again.

You could speak to your mortgage company and find out if they do mortgage holidays (lots of them do).

You be eligible for financial assistance as a single mum that you're not now.

I'm not saying you should do any of these things, but that you should sort out what's happening with your your DP, without feeling that you have to stay with him.

HTH

p.s steal the notebook and hide it - out of the house/buried in the garden - whatever. He sounds a fruitcake.

Sorry I meant to say you will be eligible for financial assistance.

I thought you wanted to have another baby with him last week? Hole in condom thread?? Odd!

I find all this a bit disturbing. I would definitely split from him, it doesn't sound like he really loves or cherishes you, does it?

Financially, you will work things out. You could go on benefits until you are in a position to get yourself a job. As others have said, the Mortgage Company should be able to give you a payment holiday.

Good luck!

get out get out get out.

there is no relationship here worth having is there?

the only thing you need to concern yourself with together is how as a seperated couple you are going to parent and support your child.

you have my sympathies. this sounds like a horrible situation to be in but it's time to do something to end it.

My exH did this. We were having words one day and he went to the back kitchen and brought a little notebook out of a drawer and flipped through it. Then he said..'in 1984 you said so-and-so about that...now you are saying this'

I honestly was so shocked I just could not believe what I was seeing and hearing.

This would be in something like 2005 or thereabouts. So ten or more years later I had said something different about whatever the hell it was, and he had REMEMBERED and KNEW it was written in his little book.

Note he is exH. And still as nasty. Run away as fast as you can. They are wrong in the head.

Um, this writing all these details down and chronicling stuff to use in arguments is a big big sign of a personality disorder...one that leads to emotional abuse.

You need to leave, he will get worse and worse.

I have been subect to this sort of thing, he was and remains mentally ill and has no contact with his children. Take the book and keep it and get the fuck out of there.