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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

I just snooped on Dh's phone......

31 replies

doodledoogle · 06/02/2011 21:35

I have posted before wrt paranoia, DH wore aftershave one day to work randomly, has not before has not since.

Couldn't put my finger on it something did not seem right. Anyway, don't ask me why I checked his phone tonight.

Never have done before and no he is not secretive with it at all. It's an I phone, I for some reason looked under searched locations. The usual work, new address from when we moved, local shop, services, then a residential street, lets call it in X town.

We have never been to x town, have no reason to go to x town at all.

Way back when I had DC, I found out he'd been looking up two women when I was in hospital on facebook. Nothing suspicious, but I was hurt, as I was in hospital and I did wonder why he'd go looking for these 2 women in particular. These women I later found were kind of his on the scene, fall backs in the start of the relationship, although nothing happened when we were together, he kept them onside for a while Hmm. He was curious to see how they were doing.

He was younger, it was early on, I could see past this if we had 100% transparency. I thought we did as much as I could. Problem is he has a works email which I could never have access to, one of these women works in the same industry and company so would be able to internally email him.

She happens to work, I know this for a fact, 9 miles from this residential street he has pinned on his phone, which we would have or he no reason to go near. He would not have to go there for his job, if he needs to travel to another location he goes in the opposite direction. He would never be designated to the office in X town. This is quite far away too.

I asked him, he became very aggresive and defensive, denied knowing where x town is, then said one of the kids must have looked it up.

So what is going on, he lost his temper and is now stonewalling me. What would you think in this situation, honestly?

OP posts:
MommyMayhem · 09/02/2011 08:47

Oh doodledoogle, I'm so sorry that it seems you have been proved right Sad. What do you plan to do now?

doodledoogle · 09/02/2011 09:31

Asking him to leave. I could almost cope with the cheating. It's the lying, then turning it around again.

He has always been quite needy. Needing to affirm love, him being wanted. I suppose it was always going to happen with hindsight.

I'm numb now, more is coming out. Hindsight is a wonderful thing.

OP posts:
prettywhiteguitar · 09/02/2011 09:36

being dripfed information is totally infuriating and insulting I feel for you :(

LexieDexieM do bugger off if you can't be helpful

MommyMayhem · 09/02/2011 09:55

Asking him to leave. I could almost cope with the cheating. It's the lying, then turning it around again.

I can completely understand that. I would do the same. We are here for you if you need to talk, or for any practical advice.

ChippingInSmellyCheeseFreak · 09/02/2011 10:16

Doodle - I know it's hard, but you are doing the right thing, it's no good being in a relationship where if the other person is feeling a bit neglected they go searching for 'comfort' elsewhere. There's no point in being in a relationship where you can't trust anything he says - and you can't :(

You'll never feel 'safe' or happy - get out while you can.

Lexie - it's not the OP that's a mentalist - stones & glass houses.

AnyFucker · 09/02/2011 13:28

doodle, I am really sorry

you are being very sensible in realising there is lots more to this and he is drip feeding

he is probaby only telling you what he thinks he can get away with/you can prove

do not take any blame for this

it seems he was happily planning something that I'm sure he wouldn't have been happy with, had the tables been turned

btw, if you saw lexie's comment before it got deleted, ignore...it seems this pillock is making stupid posts elswehwere too

walk away with your head held high...you don't need this shit in your life

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