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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

My friends just come out to me (very long)

19 replies

littlelamb · 12/10/2005 20:59

I have a very good female friend that I haven't spoken to for a couple of months since we had a major falling out. It's a long story, but basically I let her move in with me over the summer (we're both students) but a week after moving in she left abruptly and dramatically in the middle of the night when she came home to find me sat with my now boyfriend on the sofa (absolutely nothing going on between us at that point) and went completely mad saying I was lying to her, and that we must have been together ages. This made us both really mad, her obviously because she thought I was lying to her, and me that she would make such an assumption and that she would react that way anyway. The whole thing turned very nasty. She left in the middle of the night, having called her ex housemates to come and help her get her stuff. To get at her I started saying that I wished she'd just admit she was a lesbian, and couldn't deal with me having a boyfriend Before anyone flames me, I'd had this suspicion for a long time, she always had crushes on women and was always talking about what it would be like to sleep with a woman, and she seemed to almost deny her past relationships with men, saying she was a virgin even though she detailed what she'd done with these men. She just seemed very unsure of her sexuality. It didn't help that the two friends who helped her move out were also lesbians. We haven't spoken to each other in months after that, and I am deeply ashamed of what I said, although I was extremely angry at the time. Anyway, today I decided that it was silly not to talk and I invited her over to make up. We told each other what had been happening, and she admitted she'd started seeing someone, then said it was a woman. She also said she was jealous of my boyfriend. I have to say that although I have suspected it all along, I was very uneasy about it, and my reaction has actually shocked me. I don't consider myself to be homophobic, but I just can't believe that she is happy doing this. This is what makes me feel such an awful person. I know I should be happy for her, but I just feel that this sin't right for her. She has a very traumatic family history, and a history of eating disorders, and, as ashamed as I am to say or even think it, I can't help but feel that this is just another desperate attempt to get her family to notice her, as they make it quite clear to her that she is of very little importance to them, and she has a dangerously low self confidence as a result. I am so worried you are all going to think I'm a terrible homophobe when you read this, but I just need to know whether my reaction to this announcement is normal, or if maybe I am justified in thinking its not right for her? I wish I could just say, well she says she's happy so let her get on with it, but I am just so worried for her.

OP posts:
singyswife · 12/10/2005 21:12

Hi I would be very shocked if one of my friends told me this too. I dont think you are a homophob (spelling???) I just think you are worried and in shock. I know that you are saying that you are worried for her but even if this is an attempt to get attention just be there for her until she has passed this stage. If you feel it will be too hard to support her in this then try and cut back the relationship again. I would say however that the fact she is telling you this means that she wants you to know and therefore needs you. Just smile and at least pretend to be happy for her at least until you see it working out for her.

Blu · 12/10/2005 21:15

littlelamb - you may be right, she may be trying to get her family to take notice of her, but on the other hand, maybe, maybe her problems with family, etc were actually caused by not being able to accept or embrace her sexuality and come out? You say you have suspected it, so why are you doubtful now?

In any case, I don't think there is much you can do. What harm can come to her? It might blossom into the best thing that has ever happened to her, it might gho horribly wrong, but most of us have been through a relationship that wasn't right for us at some stage, haven't we?

If you try to deter her, she will rage against you anyway!

As she has always talked to you about women etc, i would accept that she has at last made an open move to follow her inclinations, and be happy for her.

littlelamb · 12/10/2005 21:19

I guess she has always seemed interested in women but has been keen to say straight away that she would never do anythng, she is just curious, and to be honest, and I don't mean this in a horrible way, she has always seemed very asexual, her body has been starved and she has the body of a prepubescent buy. I guess, also something I am ashamed of, I am also feeling uncomfortable at the number of times she has walked in on me having a shower, and things like that. I feel very disappointed in myself that her telling me this has made me so uncomfortable

OP posts:
motherinferior · 12/10/2005 21:25

Littlelamb,
Don't feel bad about the way you feel; I think what's brilliant is that you are facing up to your discomfort and trying to get over it. Which is what makes you not a homophobe Don't worry about her walking in on you - maybe she thinks you're attractive, maybe she doesn't, but I doubt very much she was getting off on it!

And by the way if she's been wrestling with her sexuality for a while that may be why she's been so unhappy.
(AND I bet the next time a friend comes out to you you're much happier about it!)

motherinferior · 12/10/2005 21:26

(I know at least two lesbian friends who were anorexic as teenagers, btw, and it was very much a whole struggle around bodies and sexuality that's over now.)

chicagomum · 12/10/2005 21:26

I have someone very close to me (in my family) who is gay. At first it was a shock, but now its part of our everyday life (ie it isn't an issue). I think what you need to decide is if this friendship is important toyou. If the answer is yes then you need to work on getting over your feelings of embarresment etc. As with any relationship it may or may not be right (not just because it is with another woman), but the best thing to do is be supportive and watch from the sidelines. If however it becomes apparent all is not well then that is the time to rethink things and help her in any way you can.

chicagomum · 12/10/2005 21:28

And I second motherinferior's post about the anorexic thing as this was true in the situation I refered to as well

ninah · 13/10/2005 08:40

she seems to have struggled with her sexuality for a while, agree with blu be glad she now feels able to be more open. What on earth difference does it make in the scheme of things. Is this the friend you were worried about advising on eating disorders cos it was all getting a bit high pressure? she does sound quite intense and needy, but the women thing is neither here not there re your friendship.

PinotGirl · 13/10/2005 09:02

I only came out, as it were, a few months ago. I'm 30something and have a child from a previous relationship with a man etc etc.

I would have been mortified to think any of my friends felt the way you do. I think you're grasping at her sexuality as the root of all her problems and I think that's unfair. Being gay doesn't make her attention seeking. Who in their right mind would use it to get attention? If anything, it would attract negative attention because, let's face it, people are still ignorant about it. I think what you need to do is separate out the friendship issue from her sexuality. If you don't want to be her friend, don't blame that on her sexuality. Be honest enough with her to say why.

Coming out is extremely hard and takes a lot of courage. Thankfully I didn't lose any friends and, had I, they probably weren't really friends to begin with.

Sorry if this seems harsh but I think you need to deal with each issue on its own.

For what it's worth, I have struggled with an eating disorder for years - since my early 20's. I also think there may be some connection to denying my sexuality.

hester · 13/10/2005 09:24

Another lesbian here with a history of anorexia (there's a research study in this!). And yes, it's possible that your friend's lesbianism is a phase in her search for security and happiness. It's also possible that her relationships with men were just a heterosexual phase. How do you know? You don't. IME coming out often causes ructions with friends/family trying to decide for themselves whether you are 'reallly' gay or not (I've been out for 21 years and I STILL get friends/family telling me they think I'm not REALLy a lesbian because I 'don't look/seem like one' ).

Please don't bother trying to analyse the authenticity of your friend's sexual/emotional needs at this time. You can't know and it honestly doesn't matter. Many, many women shift between lesbian and heterosexual relationships - it doesn't mean that one is real and the other is fake - it's just where your friend is right now and she shouldn't need to have to guarantee that she will be a lesbian for life in order to have this taken seriously and treated respectfully.

What you can do is work on your own feelings. Of course they're normal; coming out always causes a ripple through friendships. Are they desirable? Well, only you know how much of your response is genuine concern, and how much is about your own issues. All I would suggest is that you don't make your feelings your friend's problem at this time. I can't tell you how tired I get with constantly having to deal with other people's responses to my sexuality, trying to make it feel ok for them. Perhaps you could analyse what it is that you are worried will happen? Would a bit of lesbian sex be so very dreadful? Or is the real issue that you 'just can't believe she is happy doing this?'

Good luck to you both!

munz · 13/10/2005 09:39

tbh - my best mate's gay - she told me she was bi when I met her, we did have a few issues, but really it was boundry setting - as in she would be v v huggy and clingy - which I didn't always want. for the most part thou we were inseperable - and had a riot.

once she knew which way I was so to speak things were fine. she's part of a relationship now and I must admit to being v v protective of each other. I openly admit if she was a man i'd have married her in a shot.

funny thing was althou i'm not gay, we were both a bit jelouse of each others partners to start with - and I think the partners found that odd to deal with.

my advice, accept her as she is, and be happy for her which ever way she decides to go. I for one know if my best mate wasn't about i'd be so lost. set the boundries - ie if u're not happy with certian things tell her etc but expect the same in return.

hester · 13/10/2005 09:50

Great point, munz.

littlelamb · 13/10/2005 09:59

Ninah- no, this is a different friend. Still worried about the other one

OP posts:
munz · 13/10/2005 10:07

thanks hest - will mail u as well promise.

on a final point if I could add (uncles also gay) when I found out he was it was literally ooh that's ur gay uncle isn't it?? - (imagion the shock of a 13 year old finding out from a friend and me insisting he wasnt'. anyhow the point is the more I thought about things the fact remained he (and also goes for best mate) could be gay straight black white or blinking poka dot - it doens't change the preson they are inside - that man will always be my uncle - just mean's his current partner screams louder than me! lol - and is more girlie.

this hasn't changed the person ur friend is. u just need the time to think things thru and realise.

littlelamb · 13/10/2005 10:14

hester and pinotgirl, thanks for your replies. I understand totally where you're coming from, there is nothing wrong with being gay, and tbh, I never really think of it as much of an issue, i have many friends in same sex relationshipss so I understand that the gender of who you love really is irrelevant if you love them. I guess I can identify with Munz, that in the months before she came out I becamevery uncomfortable with how she was acting towards me, comstsantly touching and stroking me, and always holding my hand. It only began to feel inappropriate when I began to have feelings for my boyfriend, and I really didn't like her doing it. I really don't want you to think I am a homophobe, I am just worried about my friend as anyone would be. I really couldn't give two hoots whether she finds me attractive or not

OP posts:
littlelamb · 13/10/2005 10:14

hester and pinotgirl, thanks for your replies. I understand totally where you're coming from, there is nothing wrong with being gay, and tbh, I never really think of it as much of an issue, i have many friends in same sex relationshipss so I understand that the gender of who you love really is irrelevant if you love them. I guess I can identify with Munz, that in the months before she came out I becamevery uncomfortable with how she was acting towards me, comstsantly touching and stroking me, and always holding my hand. It only began to feel inappropriate when I began to have feelings for my boyfriend, and I really didn't like her doing it. I really don't want you to think I am a homophobe, I am just worried about my friend as anyone would be. I really couldn't give two hoots whether she finds me attractive or not

OP posts:
munz · 13/10/2005 10:21

LL - I strongly suggest setting boundries - as I say worked wonders for us two - and tbh had it not I don't think we would be friends now as she was quite full on to begin with - saying that thou once they were all set and things were fine, we'd happily lie down on the bed together and watch a movie - (only had a bed and tv in the rooms where we were working). but u need to get past the first bit to appriciate the best iycwim.

that's not to say thou we didn't fall out cos we did - her choice in women is terrible! lol.

PinotGirl · 13/10/2005 12:41

Thread hijack ... hester, good to see you, how are you??

hester · 13/10/2005 23:38

Hi PinotGirl! I'm fine, just sitting around waiting to give birth, as you do... Have had some very funny moments as the only gays in the antenatal group - like the moment when the (earnest) breastfeeing tutor offered to teach dp how to breastfeed... But how are YOU?

Littlelamb - I'm not suggesting you're homophobic. Obviously I don't know much about your situation, but I think what you're describing is a mix of reactions that are normal; some of them are around your stuff and are for you to deal with, some of them are around your friend's stuff and you need to sort with her. Munz is absolutely right to say that you should set clear boundaries with your friend if she is making you feel uncomfortable - and that doesn't make you homophobic. Once you have done this you will probably be able to talk more comfortably with her about the whole subject.

I really do wish you luck, and please don't think I'm judging you for coming on here and being so honest about your concerns for your friend.

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