how to reject a guy nicely?

[anais53]

I've been on 4 dates with a very nice man but have come to the conclusion that I don't wish it to carry on further because the chemistry isn't there for me. He on the other hand is smitten and I hate the thought of having to disappoint him.

He's just sent me such a lovely email after our date last night to say he doesn't want to rush me into anything etc but he thinks I'm wonderful. I know I have to respond but wonder how brutally honest I should be. I absolutely don't want to string him along, I think that's unkind. We don't really talk on the phone, it's email mostly, so I think it's OK to use this form of communication to let him know.

How do I minimise him feeling too rejected? Thanks!

I have to say that whatever you do he's going to be pretty hurt.

Say that it is you, and not him, that is the problem and that you can't see any long term future in the relationship. Don't give him hope for the future if there is none. Say thatyYou don't want to waste his time and so.....

I think E mail is one of the worst methods of communication but whichever medium you decide, choose honesty and say what you have said here. That you don't want to continue this relationship because for you, the chemistry isn't there. If you either don't want him as a friend, or think that this would be bad for him, don't sweeten the pill by offering friendship either.

I would pick up on his line of not wanting to be rushed along, and wholeheartedly agree with it.

Tell him that you dont feel that you are quite over your ex yet and think it wouldnt be fair to pursue a new relationship while you still have issues over the break-up.

Say that you have a lot of work commitments coming up and although you love his company, you really have to concentrate on work for a while and are just not ready for a full on relationship...

this isnt the best advice but just tell him the chemistry isnt there and your dates together have reached the end of the line, just plain and simple, dont know what else there is to say really, best telling him how it is!

Be polite, but firm. You don't owe him a relationship, you are under no obligation to 'give him a chance' and you are completely and utterly entitled to refuse to see him again.
'You're very nice, but I am not ready fora relationshp at present. Best wishes for your future.' or something along those lines will do.
If he is very nice, he will wish you well too and bugger off. If he starts begging for another chance, refuse politely but firmly, and only if he still doesn't stop begging is it OK to be rude. In fact, if someone's been told twice that you don't want a relatinship with them, being rude is pretty much compulsory, and the next step after rudeness is threatening legal action.

Thank you everybody! I know email might seem a bit cowardly but it's the way he's chosen to communicate with me - we've never spoken on the phone and I just don't want to see him again so not prepared to tell him face to face!

I would be happy to have him as a friend, he's clever and funny. But because I know how much he's attracted to me, I can't see how that would work for either of us...I could also take up your suggestion Bubble but I know that he'd then say he'd be happy to see me whenever was convenient for me and I don't think that would be fair...Thinking SGB's suggestion is the simplest and most effective and won't leave him in any doubt...

Yes just be honest.

Say I think you're great but the chemistry isn't there for me and so I don't think we should continue seeing each other.

It's only been four dates - it's no biggie really.

Good luck with finding someone who does properly float your boat. x