Awkward weighty question about sex.

[howmuchyousay]

A little advice please.

DH and I have both put on a little weight since our children came along. Whilst this doesn't bother me particularly (well I'd like DH to lose his stomach but it's nowhere near as bad as mine ) it does cause me an issue during sex.

He's squashing me to death! I've tried to get him to put his weight on his arms but, to be honest, he can't manage it for long and then collapses back down .

I always used to like the weight on top of me when he was about 14 stone but now he's about 16 and it makes a difference.

I don't want to hurt his feelings as it really isn't an attractiveness thing, just one of bone preservation!

You need to be on top.. no fun in it if you are uncomfortable..

Or try you lying on the bed, him standing up by the side of the bed.. if you get what I mean...

There is always the side scissors position which helps in this situ.

I can't be doing with scissors. I find it too much of an engineering feat. I also always feel a bit 'out on my own' if I can't see what he's doing

There's a lot of different positions you can use. Him kneeling, you on top, spoons etc..

However, more importantly, the guy is cleary unfit and tummy fat is a signal for potential heart disease. Can you not decide together to healthy up your food choices and start taking more walks and things together so that you can be healthy longterm for your DCs' sake?

Eurostar. I've joined weightwatchers (I'm a size 16) and we have made a resolution to go on walks/bike rides at the weekends.

He needs to be fitter. Has never done any exercise in his life.

I don't want to say anything because I know how I would feel if he said anything about my appearance.

he put a lot of weight on I think when he gave up smoking 2 years ago. It's just crept on. But giving up smoking (20 a day) has been a really positive step for him.

Not attractive for someone with my tits and stomach post 2 children .

Essentially, I'm beginning to see that we both need to shape up!

Ouch, I feel for you! I once dumped somebody because of this. It took a while for me to realise that [a] I really was getting squashed, and [b] There was no way he'd accept this as good enough reason to either lose weight or make a bit more effort position-wise.
I'm not suggesting you divorce him, just sharing your ... inability to breathe at crucial moments.

Unfortunately, you'll have to tell him. You DO need him either to drop the stone that crushes your bones or understand that different positions are a matter or survival. You draped over the side of the bed & him standing (or kneeling on a footstool, etc) is a painless and satisfying scenario ime. You on top is good in theory, but can present engineering difficulties. Doggy-style works. Etc ...

... you have to talk. There's no way round it (ahem). Good luck!

What BMF said, re doggie :)
Also just remembered about stacking pillows under your bum, so he can access you whilst kneeling (same effect as the side of the bed, but with different angles.) You still have to broach the subject with him, though. Either that or stage an asphyxiation mid-coitus [not recommended].

Get him to put a folded pillow under your bottom. Raises you up in the right place for him to kneel and get on with things.

Problem solved until you both get a little trimmer.

Oooh Grace x posts

I think that you would best to tell him that you find him uncomfortable on top because he is likely to have sensed something is wrong and may take it to mean something much more than you being uncomfortable.

Then hopefully you can laugh together and have fun trying different positions - if you initiate and go on top he'll soon see that you do fancy him.

Overall a guy is probably not going to take a straightforward explanation that he is hurting you when on top as an insult.

Good luck with the getting fit. As he's had the willpower to give up smoking he probably won't find it too hard to change his diet.