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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

What to do?

3 replies

NorthernGobshite · 05/02/2011 20:29

My dh has been depressed for the last few years since the sudden death of his mother and prior to that the suicide of his father. It has been a very difficult time for us all, and our relationship has been tested to the limits. I thought we were turning a corner and his mood is definitely improving but over the last few months he has brought us to the brink of financial ruin with his crazy spending.

He has spent thousands, amassing an enormous overdraft with his bank. He has spent it on frivolous crap like DVD's, weed, technology etc etc so we have nothing real to show for it. Money is tight and its been really hard. He has apologised so many times and has still gone on to spend more. I found out this week that he is now £3000 overdrawn and we have no way of paying it back without it having a massive impact on our lives.

I feel so angry and dissapointed. I feel like a fool. don't trust him with money now and I am not sure I ever will. What do I do?

He has made appointment with bank next week, he is now having wages paid into my bank and I am going to control finances. I don't want to, but I can see no other option.

OP posts:
dearprudence · 05/02/2011 20:32

That's a tough situation. Is it just the spending, or has his behaviour changed in other ways?

NorthernGobshite · 05/02/2011 20:38

Its just the spending now. He has been very depressed and he was very insular, we didn't have sex for a very long time, he was moody, he slept a lot. These things have improved after counselling and time, but the spending got out of control.

Its the lying that upsets me as he has taken money and then absolutely denied it. He has had me tied up in knots about money and where its gone. Its the fact he has spent so much and I have had to borrow from friends, family etc to make ends meet. Some months I had no money to buy food by the last week. Its been hell.

He has been repenant so many times I don't believe him anymore. He now moans about having no access to money and I just think that shows no understanding of what he's done.

OP posts:
dearprudence · 05/02/2011 21:40

It sounds like you're doing the right things. And it's so unfair that you now have to take control of everything.

Hope things improve for you soon.

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