Once I have what I want I loose interest. Why ?

[newbie2011]

A few weeks ago I met a new man, he is in every way my type, physically, mentally and we have the same long term ideals as far as I can tell.

I spent 10 years with someone who I now wondered it I ever really loved or was in love with, we split on good terms and have remained friends. I have never got much out of sex, the actaul act, never understood what the big deal was, and untill after the end of that relationship I had never had an orgasm, still havent had one with someone.

During the 10 yr relationship I was unfathfuo with several men, I think I was looking for "something", my partner wasnt very sexual, so did go out of the habit of sex. He had never asked if I came though. Had a few very casual encounters with people in the last 18 months, again I didnt get a lot sexually out of these, but liked being physically close to someone.

Thought it may be nice to have someone again, to see if I would feel differently to in the past, met the man, fancy the pants off him and genuinly like him, told him about my past sex "issuse", he is the first person to ever ask me about stuff, and he is being brilliant, but now I feel quite confidant that he genuinely likes me, even with the oroblems I just seem to have lost interest in the whole situation. I should feel very different about the man who had already said that there is not rush with the sex stuff, no pressure and he wants to be the one to make it happen for me.

Im so confused, and quite upset by my feelinga now, I just dont understand why I have lost interest beacuse he is exactly what I wanted.

Anyone else identifiy/help etc etc ? thanks.

not getting at you, just saying you don't seem to know what you want x

Oh, no I didnt think you were getting at me, but you are right, there are some contradictions - on the one hand I dont believe in monogamy, but on the other I am talking about a really nice man I have met, kind of in relationship terms, who is trying to help me with things, both statements are true, but do contradict each other. All this isnt something I have really tried to think about until recently, so speaking to him about some of it, and then posting on here has promted people to ask me things that I may not have thought about, thats why I may sound a bit jumbled up !

I know what I would like for the future (relationship wise, like I said I am happy with every other aspect of my life), and that is to have a man who I know loves me, makes me feel special, and makes me feel the same about him, and possibly making me believe in manogomy. Sexwise, being happy with the overal relationship may make that side click into place too. But I know, you dont always get what you want, and it probably just what most people want !!

well, good luck in finding it

Newbie2011, wow your guy must be great to be able to provide all of that for you, is that what you have been looking for someone to forfill those things for you and to make you feel special and unique! You are lucky you have found that in a partner.

Hmmm! OP, you should meet my brother - he's gorgeous, honest (and not likely to be married that much longer.) He could have written your last para - swapping genders, obv. I think I'm more aware of his underlying ishoos than he is, but there's no law saying you have to try & fix that stuff. You can just find a way to live comfortably with it instead. He keeps choosing monogamous women, though, and I think that's unfair on them and himself.