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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Angry!

7 replies

adelaidegirl · 04/02/2011 16:59

I had been with my DP for 4.5 years until 2 days after Christmas when he decided to dump me. We had a discussion a few weeks previously where he seemed a bit unhappy but I thought we had sorted everything out so it was a bit of a surprise but we seemed to be managing to keep it amicable despite still living together.

Fast forward a whole 4 weeks and he annouces he has a new girlfriend. I am not sure if I am being unreasonable in being angry but I think I am quite justified!(and was reasonably restrained in my response) It is someone he has been working with for the last few months. My feelings are that either a) there was some sort of EA going on which could have been the catalyst for our break up or
b)that he broke up with me and he is going out with her because she is the first person who showed an interest.

If it is a) I am really angry but he denies it and I think I believe him. The problem is that leaves b). He says he was friends with her at work (though never mentioned her) and then when he was about to leave she declared her interest and he is now with her.

Although I am actually not jealous I am really angry that our relationship meant so little that he is ready to jump into a relationship with someone else (casual sex would seem a more normal response!) and have lost my respect for him because he does not seem to be able to be single and sort himself out first(he is a having a general mid life crisis I think)

He does not seem to able to understand why his behaviour had made me upset. I don't know why I am posting about this but I guess I just want to know if my feelings seem normal!

OP posts:
realrabbit · 04/02/2011 17:05

This reply has been deleted

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OhForBoonessSake · 04/02/2011 17:07

yep, get him out of the house. you dont need to live together to be amicable.

WRT the other stuf. i know you are hurting but forget about who or what he gets with. he will move on from this girl to another. that doesn't mean he was wrong to end his relationship with you though. things run their course.

nje3006 · 04/02/2011 17:08

Why is he still there? Do you own the property together? Rent it together? He needs to leave so you can start to recover.

adelaidegirl · 04/02/2011 17:12

We have a joint mortgage and I am leaving the area in a few months se we have it on the market. I can't afford the mortgage on my own and we can't sell it sooner because it would cost so much in early repayment.

I actually think ending the relationship was the right thing so I am not sure why I am so angry about this- maybe the speed

OP posts:
OhForBoonessSake · 04/02/2011 17:15

IME men seem to need to get someone new quite quickly after a break up. maybe he feels he has to prove to himself he is over you, or that he is still attractive to women. dont tak it personally at all that it is so soon. it will be entirely to do with what is going on in his own head that it was so quick.

kepler10b · 04/02/2011 17:28

i think anyone would feel how you do. but cut your losses and move on. whatever the situation he's not given you the love you deserve and there is better out there for you.

mummymunter · 04/02/2011 17:41

Most men don't leave a relationship until they have something else to replace it with. Sorry to be blunt but I've seen a lot in life and this is generally the rule of thumb. What is also evident is that the relationships aren't always long standing ones.
In time, you will get to the point that you actually don't care what led to break (a or b) so just live day by day and take care to live as well as you can.

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