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Original poster

I hate brothers fiance

16 replies

minginjean · 04/02/2011 13:20

Not sure what to do really, might just need a rant but appreciate any responses.
My brother in law is getting married to his gf in Sept, they've been together a year and a half. Started off fine but from word one she had no qualms about bitching (and I mean the good old fashioned strip the f'n back of you bitching) about my MIL and 2 SIL. Thinks for some reason that I hate them all and wouldn't care what she said about them (not true)

I let it go on for a while but now things have come to a head and I'm sick of it. She's trying to organise her hen weekend and its all out war, her friends seem to not want to go so she's telling them all f off and the girls in the family don't want to go cos we don't like her so she's coming out all guns blazing. Don't know what to do for the best, we're all so annoyed that this girl is going to be a member of the family because it'll mean nothing but trouble and drama.
I'm thinking of going on the hen weekend just to keep the peace but don't want to be two faced either. Or if I'm honest, don't want to spend more time in her company than I have to. If her bf was sick, all she talks about is how his sickness affects her, if its raining outside, my god how does she cope etc etc
Any advice welcome

OP posts:
NanaNina · 04/02/2011 13:27

Coo - she sounds a charmer. It seems like she has some kind of personality problem and if her friends don't want to go on her hen weekend that says a lot. So sorry as it sounds like she will cause problems in the family. No advice really but I wouldn't go on a hen night if I didn't like the person - the fact that she is so nasty is her problem - not yours.

Presumably when she is bitching about your MIL and SILS you sort of keep quiet - or at least don't join in. Anyone with any perception at all would quickly get the message that she was on thin ice and shut up. Have you talked to your BIL about these problems.

LittleMissHissyFit · 04/02/2011 13:41

TBH, seems like you would be best of out of it.

If you are asked say that you love your DH, and his family and that you don't approve of people that slag them off without reason.

be bold, tell her how it is, then you ought to stop the rot before it takes hold. stand up for yourself, and your family and extended family.

By doing this, you are communicating that you are drawing a line for her not to cross and stating your clear boundaries.

Start as you mean to go on. If your brother asks, tell him the truth.

Pussy footing about and going along with things you don't want to do are setting you up for a life of annoyance.

Also if DB comes to know how people feel, perhaps it's not too late for him to reconsider?

LittleMissHissyFit · 04/02/2011 13:44

I'd also tell her to knock the IL bashing on the head right there and then tbh

Original poster
minginjean · 04/02/2011 15:49

Great thanks for all the advice. I'm kind of stuck between wanting to keep out of it and keep the peace and giving her a right talking to, she's young and very selfish so she may well grow up at some stage.

She's already caused major arguements between his friends and their spouses and all this after only a year and a half together.

My DH spoke to him because she bitches openly on fb about them, she was told to delete the messages and they ended up arguing over it. Would I be awful to wish they'd break up!!?

OP posts:
Glamour · 04/02/2011 16:04

id just tell her what you think of her to be honest, in my experiences it usual stops people in their tracks.

Id stop wishing them to break up because hes obviously aware of her behaviour and it dosent seem to have put him off, so you'll be wasting your time.

just tell her to pack it in!

cat64 · 04/02/2011 16:24

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

welshbyrd · 04/02/2011 16:25

How old is your brothers fiancée, sounds like my mother, its horrible, I know exactly how you feel

These sorts of people, thrive on drama, and their lives would sit well in EastEnders

HecateQueenOfWitches · 04/02/2011 16:27

Be VERY careful. She may well be the type to go to your inlaws with everything she's said and claim it's you.

Original poster
minginjean · 04/02/2011 16:30

Welshbyrd she's in her early twenties, and that's exactly what it feels like we're living in at the moment, an episode of EE.

Think you're dead right, gonna bite the bullet and let her know she can't speak about our family the way she does. She doesn't realise there is a life after her wedding and we all have to get on with a normal family life.
I'd hate to think she could split the family up, went thru this kind of thing years ago with my mother and her sister in law. So I've seen first hand the damage bitching and lies can do to a family.

Thanks again for the help

OP posts:
Original poster
minginjean · 04/02/2011 16:38

Thanks Hecate but in laws know me well enough now to know I wouldn't behave like that and they've seen right through her from the beginning so there's no fear of that

OP posts:
mummymunter · 04/02/2011 16:39

Displaying all the signs of a narcissist! (Spelling!) She's probably got too tough a skin to take any hints and probably wouldn't take any well intentioned advice. They are usually lacking in self awareness and the bitching seems to be part of the personality trait. Discrediting those around them etc etc Good luck with her but all I can advise you to do is to be true to yourself and stick to your own values and standards.

HecateQueenOfWitches · 04/02/2011 16:41

oh good. At least that's not something you need to worry about.

welshbyrd · 04/02/2011 16:50

Not sure about Narcissist, If this person is very similar to my mum, I think she could be a sociopath - a disregard for the rights of others amongst other things
wiki.answers.com/Q/How_do_you_know_if_someone_is_a_sociopath

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 04/02/2011 19:25

I would't feel obligated to go on her hen weekend. If her friends aren't going then what's the point? Nobody wants to celebrate with her.

I don't think that you'd be out of line to have a discussion with her telling her how you feel. As other posters have said, you are well within your rights to tell her to stop talking about your ILs. It's unfair of her to do that and what does she know about them anyway?

I doubt they'll break up, OP, your brother will probably have regrets in the future but he will have to deal with it then. You don't, you're not marrying her, and you have the right to stick up for yourself and members of your family. Nip it in the bud now.

Good luck... I know how you feel as my SIL is just like you've described your SIL-to-be.

Original poster
minginjean · 04/02/2011 21:03

it's such an awful situation to be in Lyingwitch (love the name)
All the rest of us get along so well, anything we need to get off our chest is said there and then, we can have a great laugh together and I genuinely love my in laws but watching cracks appearing is heartbreaking and MIL is not able for it all.
I'll let her know I don't appreciate her bitching next time she attempts it, and back off from her see if that changes anything but as you said Mummymunter she might not be able to change.

Actually I should mention it's not just us who gets the hard time, she recently slaughtered her own mother on fb so the whole world could see! Sickening to look at really as her mother is lovely from what little I have seen of her.

I'm going to have a look at your link now Welshbyrd, thanks

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