He doesn't actually give a crap, does he? (poss a bit tmi in the first bit)

[ratsasssss]

Last night dh hurt me, physically I mean. Prob didn't mean to, we were (ahem) messing about, but nevertheless he was being a bit too rough and despite me asking him to slow down he only would for a few seconds then back up again. Soon put a complete halt on it, not a complete pushover.
Anyway, told him straight away I was NOT impressed. Nothing. No apology, no explanation, just stonewalled me, not for the first time I might add.
Did not want a row in case children woke so went to bed (on own)
This morning both of us quiet, monosyballic, no confrontation though due to children and need to do usual morning stuff and get out of door.
He rang me mid afternoon, am I alright, no I flaming well am not, why, well why do you think (you twat), can't talk about it now, he is in the office and I am with the children.
Home he comes, puts children to bed and sit down together, I am waiting for my apology. It does not come. In the end I tell him I am not happy AT ALL and I finally get crappy apology, mutters sorry almost under his breath looking at shoes like errant toddler. Not good enough. Not the first time he has let me down like this, although it is the first time he has hurt me physically.
He doesn't give a fig does he?
Apols for crappy English, am on phone.

well, yes, lint

I really don't know what to think. Usually intelligent, articulate, known at work for being in control and not backward in coming forward.

We haven't had time alone together in years. I have told him (not recently though) I would like him to organise a meal out for us. He hasn't. I cpuld do it myself but I want him to care enough to do it for me, iyswim, rather than me dragging him along.
Just after Christmas I was feeling r3ally down, missing family and friends and never getting time on my own, a break from the children. He did nothing.
I must be seriously fucked up to be accepting of this.

He changed, started complimentimg me, helping out more etc. But no change wrt managing disagreement or conflict.

He changed, started complimentimg me, helping out more etc. But no change wrt managing disagreement or conflict.

The cycle repeats every few months and it is so, so wearying.
Each time I am less sad, more angry.
He says he loves me but often doesn't act as though he does.
Sorry to.waffle, is v cathartic
Thank you all so much for input.

Not sure what to say, was is soemthing sexual that you were doing and you wanted him to stop? Not rough sex but something else, you don't have to say?

DP and i used to playfight when we first met, sometimes it used to get a bit out of hand, but stop meant stop. I may have copped the hump a few times too, but it was never a big deal because if ever i got hurt (never seriously)he would stop, say sorry etc.

So what i am saying is, this has clearly upset you - stop means stop, there are other issues apparent from your posts that mean that these have made an otherwise trivial incident more significant, or he properly hurt you and didn#t know when to stop?

It would help to kind of know what is what.

He sounds very borish though

I went to bed, OP, didn't realise there was more you wanted to get off your chest

hope you are ok

Do adults still playfight?? I think this is weird. Just an excuse for men to work out some of their irritation on their women imo. It seems to generally turn nasty.

we play fight
never turns nasty
how could it? (is my opinion, as in you love each other and you are playing)

'Just an excuse for men to work out some of their irritationon their women imo'

thats very sad you feel like that

what a sweeping generalisation and must make you feel badly towards men

Hi, thanks for additional posts

Bit more tmi possibly here...

We weren't play fighting, it wasn't rough sex. He was manually stimulating my clitoris, something I usually like but he was being much rougher than usual (or I was feeling it much more sensitively than usual).

Apols for graphic details if you didn't want to see them, however it seems to need clarification.

Not much progress today in terms of communication, although mornings are busy as we all needed to be out of the door by 8am, I am at work today. Let's see what tonight brings.

And a bit of further clarification.. it isn't so much what he did that is the issue here, although not stopping or slowing down when asked to do so is clearly a problem and needs resolving, it's his reaction. The complete silence straight afterwards when I told him he had hurt me. The crap apology, which I had to ask for, almost 24 hours later. The way he seems to think that if he ignores my problems with him I will stfu and stop hassling him.

I know I've been enabling him by not standing up to him enough before. I wish I had the strenght to say, "It stops now, I have had enough" and MEAN IT. I do feel more pissed off this time rather than upset, and I have been making an effort to not let him get away with crap behaviour recently. I only hope it comes to a proper resolution this time rather than going round the circle again and cropping up again in a few months' time. Which I know is only down to me and my reaction.

was it anal? sounds like it from your description. maybe he needs some education in how sphincter muscles work.

bloody hell kepler

rats, yes, it sounds like he has taken the huff and is acting very childishly at you telling him his technique was too rough and he actually hurt you

if this is an indication of how your relationship is in general, I am not surprised you are pissed off

That's awful, and so is his reaction afterwards - DP would be horrified and ashamed if he though he might have accidentally hurt or upset me, especially in a way like that.

It should be an absolutely sacrosanct rule IMO that whatever you're doing in the bedroom, if one person doesn't like it and wants it to stop, then it stops right that second. Even if you like a bit of role play you still have a 'safe word' that means 'no seriously I really do want to stop'.

Misunderstandings/mistakes can happen, but if he really doesn't care about your feelings, and feels no need to apologise or thinks you should just shut up about being hurt and upset - then he has no respect for you. No love either, not by my definition of the word anyway.

I think he does care a fig, he just doesn't know how to behave when he feels guilty. I don't think he'll change - you have to decide if you can put up with it for years to come. If you're young you might not want to.

@gay40 - yes adults playfight. i have had playfights with all my longterm partners. it's good fun. never turns nasty.

if you are not young, you might not want to put up with it either

sorry for the cross post (or not reading to end of thread-itis)....i see i was headed the wrong way (with my assumptions i mean)

"if you are not young, you might not want to put up with it either" true

at kepler

not everything on Mn is about bumsex (although it might seem that way sometimes...)

No believe me, it's got nothing to do with how I feel about men, which is how just about everyone else feels about them.
Grown adults playfighting? Please.
It's for people who cannot communicate.

Sounds like he's embarrassed, feels guilty and doesn't entirely understand.

He needs to be told to grow up, and stop pretending that when he stuffs up, it hasn't happened!

Very childish behaviour, but he's been allowed to get away with it for so long, he thinks he will continue to do so.

It will be difficult to prove to him that you mean it now when you say he has to change.