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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

How do I talk to him about this

1 reply

gemdrop84 · 03/02/2011 12:35

Hi ladies, Im feeling a bit fragile so bear with me. Me and dp have been somewhat stuck in a rut for month or so now of not having so much sex.

Havent had sex now for a fortnight and I have just discovered he's been visiting porn sites and there are about 10-15 porn films saved on the computer which he has now transferred to his mobile phone.

Felt a bit amused at first, thinking 'oh typical bloke' but now Im feeling unwanted and that he prefers watching that stuff to having sex with me :(

Dont get me wrong, I have nothing against him having a wank whenever but not when its at the expense of our sex life, he's replaced me and I dont feel good enough anymore :(
I stopped sorting myself out, so to speak, as its been getting boring.

He came home from a boys weekend recently, normally hes all over me if he's been away, so Id made extra efforts to clean our bedroom and put out candles, shaved my legs and other areas :o etc to make it look all romantic. But this time he said he was tired and went to bed. Felt quite rejected and even more so now.

When we do have sex its great, just wish it was more often and now Im really hurt over the porn.

Dont know whether to suggest an early night tonight and just forget about it or try and talk to him about this. He did ask me yesterday if everything was ok but I just clammed up, dont know how to start the conversation without getting upset.

I would rather he stopped using it all together for a little while and see how often we can do it then.

Any advice would be grateful, sorry its long, its just nice to get it off my chest as its been upsetting me for a little bit now.

OP posts:
nje3006 · 03/02/2011 12:41

I would start off being open and honest about wanting more sex. Tell him how you felt when he came back from that weekend.

You could leave the porn stuff out of it for now if you wanted to, to see whether more sex meant he felt less of a need for porn. Otherwise you can tackle that too now, tell him it affects you b/c you notice you are having less sex so it feels you have been replaced by cybersex and that doesn't make you feel good.
I would tackle one thing at a time though in your shoes, I'd go for the more sex please angle...

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