Anyone been to Relate?

[Piggyleroux]

Am thinking of going for counselling with dh. Things are going from bad to worse. We don't talk, I'm always angry with him. All started since ds was born in march.

Does anyone have any experiences or recommend something else?

I went with DH and it was crap in my opinion, but of course it's down to the counceller.

I think it's all about mediating rather than exploring deeper reasons etc.

Basically I discussed the fact I was frightened of my DHs temper and the counseller just looked at me and asked why. I've since learnt that myself and DH should have been separated for individual couselling sessions from that point on. I was shocked that this wasn't taken at all seriously, but hey ho.

The counseller was a wet fish. I am still with DH, rightly or wrongly, but it isn't down to Relate I wouldn't say.

I have a totally different experience, so I think you're right Polaris that it is down to the counsellor.

I found our counsellor was very keen on looking for deeper reasons as to why we each behaved the way we did. She explored our childhoods in great detail and this became the basis for understanding how we viewed relationships and the patterns we were re-enacting. It was fascinating but most importantly it 'worked' in terms of making us realise what we were doing wrong - and we were communicating very badly indeed.

We were heading towards divorce and I would say that now we are strong and close. Our sessions have reduced from weekly to fortnightly and our counsellor is trying to wean us off her (my words not hers), by getting us to use the tools of communication that she has taught us.

Interesting also Polaris that part of our issue was my DH's anger and lack of control of it. She took that very seriously and we spent several sessions addressing that; clearly her aim was to get him to own his own emotions, not blame me but see that he could decide to be angry or decide to control it. Our household is so much calmer now.

Worth every penny in my view.

How does your DH feel about the counselling piggyleroux?

We had a good experience with a lovely counsellor last year.Before we had the experience of my DH's 'inappropriate friendship' with OW and the fall out from that I would have said we communicated very well- but after several sessions we could see where we both could improve and how the dynamics had changed with various stresses over the years-even tho we felt to cope well at the time.
I'd become too controlling and critical-just worn out and worried really!My DH who seemed on surface laid back and easy going avoided any awkard situations and buried feelings deep.We are still a work in progress but have no regrets about going to Relate.Good luck.