Why is it so hard???

[loisebony]

In difficult unhappy marriage.

Yet another row this eve...he told me he 'does not care about me'

I earn more than him and just secured another new job which is better. We have large mortgage..he wont agree to change it, says wants to sell house but does nothing to prepare house for sale.He is lazy, does nothing to help in house at all, addicted to Runescape.

When i suggest seperating, he is all for it but then does nothing, he is sort of man who will ignore letters, so divorcing him would cost a fortune.

He does not want me but also does not want me to find happiness anywhere else. Though of course if he found happiness he would be off but Im sure he is having affair on computer.

Have two boys which complicates matters, feel torn, would NEVER leave them with him, he wont leave, tells me to.....he is happy to sit, do nothing, he has no friends-just one he may see socially now and then, no family bothers with him hardly, he is unsociable.

Just feel so trapped, cant afford to rent unless house sold.

How on earth do I ever find some peace and happiness in my life????

Can't you put the house up for sale? Is it in both your names?

gosh. Sorry that you are going through this. From what you say you are doing the right thing. Chin up and keep on. Imagine how great it would feel when you are free of him!

I agree. Put the house up for sale, find yourself a nice place for you and your boys.

Good luck!

Yes would very much like to sell house and go alone....but he will then refuse to sell-house in both names.

I cant see how I can move out-be responsible for mortgage and pay a rent....he is very obstructive and will go out of his way to make things as difficult as possible for me because he does not care about hurting-he is happy to sit in chair play runescape-go to work-sit in chair........

Im very unhappy and desperate

sorry you're going through this, it sounds awful but I've no experience around divorce so can't advise. Have you tried putting the papers under his nose to put house up for sale and asking him to sign them?

If you have the funds then you could get people in to do the work necessary. I know that means that its your money funding the improvements but that may be the only way. Then tell him you're thinking of getting agents round to put it on the market.

If he objects to that (and you run the risk that he says nothing then refuses to sign the contract when you find a buyer) then you probably do have to do something like file for divorce and then the house will eventually have to go on the market as part of the divorce.
that will take time but ultimately it may be your only solution. Yes you will have to be proactive but if you want to divorce and sell up, it looks like it will be you who has to do all the running.