What to do (or not do) for the best

[alwayswishing]

I just need some advice if anyone can help me. Been married for 11 years and have an 8 year old child.

Over the last 4 years our marriage has gone "off the boil"; in this time we haven't had sex, hardly ever gone out together and don't sit in the same room when we're in the house together.

We argue over the smallest things and although he can be quite nasty when he has been drinking there has never been any violence involved. We have had many "what should we do for the best" chats and on Monday we decided it would be best if we went our separate ways. The trouble is neither of us can afford to move out.

I now feel completely in limbo - it's not like we absolutely detest each other; it's more just disinterest but is that enough to end a marriage and devastate an 8 year old child if her parents are living apart? . Even if we do split up, we will still be living together unless we can get the finances for one of us to move out. Today I have been thinking that if we are still going to live together for the foreseeable, then perhaps we could just make it work anyway for the sake of our daughter?

Has anyone got any suggestions please?

I dont have children so I cant fully coment on your post, but I spent 10 years with my ex, I suppose you could say that the relationship went off the boil, or we got together too young or whatever, we spoke about our problems a couple of times and then nothing changed, so we called it a day, we had a trial month apart to make our decisions, but to me as soon as he went then that was the end, but that probably was the easiest way for us to do it (theres more to it obviously), but my point is that if you have both already decided to go your seperate ways then that is what you are both feeling, and to go back on it and try and make it work is not the right thing to do, as it will always be at the back of your minds. And what if you do make it work, how do you know that you did it for yourselves and not just your child...what happens when she leaves home and you still dont get on.

Again, I don thave kids but I can only imagine that a child is happiest with 2 parents that dont hate each other (I'm not saying that is the case,...yet), and imagine how she would feel in a few years if she finds that you only stayed together for her, instead of moving on and being happier...

The only thing I had to sort out with my ex was finding money to buy him out of our house, and the fact that we still work together - but after a couple of months of staying out of eachothers way as much as we could, we are the best of friends, we speak about everything and get on far better than we did in the last couple of years that we were together. I dont regret our decisions for a moment.

Different opinion here! How hard have you tried to fix things? I think it would be important for both of you to at least attempt to give 100% to your marriage for a period of time, even if just so you could say you gave it your best shot for DC's sake. It doesn't sound completely irretrievable yet.