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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Letting people go...

9 replies

AuntieMaggie · 02/02/2011 15:35

This is the third year that my birthday has gone by without any recognition of it by certain relatives.... 4th if you include the year I received a card written by someone else from them...

Well today I've decided that I'm not going to keep sending them cards and presents for their birthdays and other occasions as I'm sick of feeling rejected because they can't even be bothered to post happy birthday on Facebook or send me a text.

Five years ago I stopped being the one to always call or visit them because I was seriously ill and was fed up with the sarky comments when I did about remembering who they were, etc and being made to feel like I wasn't good enough (there are lots of things they said and did to make me feel like this but don't want to go into it).

They didn't/don't take any interest in me or my life and IMO they have made it clear it makes no difference to them.

If I see them out and about they say hello and talk to me but inevitably the conversation is all about them and what is going well/badly for them. I have a serious medical condition and they never ask how I am.

I don't even really know why I'm writing this... it's just a shame.

OP posts:

BLOO3Z · 02/02/2011 15:45

Hi,
Yes this is your time to say goodbye to these people, move on and up.
We all have to do it in our lives at some point to regain our sanity! Best of luck you will feel better for it I am sure.

Original poster

AuntieMaggie · 02/02/2011 15:50

Thanks BLOO3Z. I already feel better for not having had so much contact with them, and it's noticeable in my relationship with DP too. I guess I'm just sick of hoping for a sign that they give a shit.

OP posts:

QueenStromba · 02/02/2011 15:57

Fuck 'em - life's too short. And happy birthday. How is your health?

Original poster

AuntieMaggie · 02/02/2011 16:56

Thank you - it's ok for the moment :)

OP posts:

humanheart · 02/02/2011 19:03

auntie - which relatives you are referring to? do you mean your primary family - mum, dad, siblings?

I'm sorry to hear you've had such a struggle with your health.

Original poster

AuntieMaggie · 03/02/2011 12:24

Yes my dads side... my parents split a long time ago

OP posts:

humanheart · 04/02/2011 11:17

that's upsetting auntie. do you mean your dad too? believe it or not, you're not on your own with this as many families exclude one member (scapegoating). do you have brothers/sisters who see your dad and his side of the family? ie is it just you who is excluded? feeling rejected in this way can be very painful.

Original poster

AuntieMaggie · 04/02/2011 12:27

No actually its my sisters from his marriage with my mum too, but I always made the effort long after my sisters had given up despite being blamed for the way they behaved every time I saw him and his side of the family.

For years the excuse was that I lived with my mum so he couldn't call or come and see me but you know what I've been in my own home now for 6 years and they've been there once and that was just to make judgement on it!

OP posts:

humanheart · 04/02/2011 13:45

so it's really your dad who you feel is rejecting you? yep, that's painful. 'helps' that it's not just you though, which is a different ballgame than scapegoating tbh.

agree that you have to back away to protect yourself - painful though, whatever way ie if you stay in contact its painful and if you back off it's painful - bcs what you probably really want is for him to be a proper dad to you. a lot of men (sorry guys) lump the wife in with the kids eg when the marriage ends they think that's the end of all the relationships, even with the kids from the marriage. which is dumb tbh but it's not uncommon. what do your sisters say about it btw? sorry this is so painful for you. have you talked honestly with your dad about it?

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