did becoming a parent make you feel differently about your parents?

[happyhappyjoyjoy]

I always been very sure that my parents were really good parents, and I had a lovely childhood, but now I'm not so sure. I'm beginning to feel very differently about my mum in particular. I don't think she was a great mum really, she can be very cold and distant and sometimes a bit heartless and occasionally downright cruel (although she can justify the way she behaved). I feel very strange, as I've always loved and idolised my mum and I wanted to be just like her when I was a parent. I also feel shocked that everything I thought and believed about my upbringing may have been not quite right. But also confused as to why I'm only thinking these things now and not before? And what if I'm wrong now?

I dont think just becoming a parent makes you see your parents differently. I think just growing up does it. I think everyone realises that their parents were not perfect in every way.

You had a lovely childhood, if you didnt, you really wouldnt need to question it.

Times change, parenting techniques change, and your mum was probably doing the best she could, (it cant have been that bad if all you have are good memories really).

We all grow up to do things differently to the way our parents did things, but it doesnt always mean we are right and they are wrong, or vice versa too.

Of course I realised my parents weren't perfect a long time ago, probably as a teenager!

But this is different some how. It's not really to do with parenting techniques. It's more to do with what my mum is like as a person and how she treats / relates to me (now as well as as a child) and also how she now relates to my DD.

I can't bare spending time with my my mum at the moment, I have never felt this way before. I feel really angry towards her.

I think becoming a parent gives you a new perspective. That sounds cliched, but it wasn't until DD was born that I realised just how screwed up my parents were.

I wouldn't say that I felt different, it was more that I realised that the problem was them, not me.

Any particular reason you're asking this now? You don't have to answer, if you don't feel ready/want to, I'm just being nosy