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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

New poster - need perspective

3 replies

JackieBauer · 01/02/2011 19:15

Ok here's the background, I don't have a normal job, I'm a live in carer, I live with my client (who's quadriplegic) for a week and then I'm home for a week, Thursday to Thursday. When my marriage (of 18 years) broke down 5 years ago my dh was a house husband so I left and moved 2 streets away, ever since I have had the children (2 dds age 16 and 18 and 1 ds 7) every weekend I'm home, so I haven't had a free friday or saturday in 5 years.

I have missed lots of girly nights and birthdays but love being with my children so it's been fine (although my social life has more or less diminished to zero). Last November I met a lovely man who is understanding about my work and childcare situation (haven't rushed into anything as I've been single for 5 years)

2 weeks ago I contacted my ex about having the odd fri or sat night child free and having my son on a school night instead, my dds very rearly stay now as they have their own social life and go out or stay at friends houses. Contacted him by text as we don't really comunicate as he is very intimidating and shouty.

Well he hit the roof, he rang me and called me an "absolute bastard" and "a waste of time" I know he is a single parent but our oldest will babysit for him so he can have free time. He threatened to take me back to the csa, we already go through the csa and I am in the same job so payments wont change, I always pay on time and have never missed a payment, I also go halfers with things like prom dresses and trips etc. He also threatened to go to a soliciter and get the weekend visits in writing.

What I want to know is am I being unreasonable to want to see my new man on a fri or sat night, am I wrong? and how can I sort this with a man who is a great dad but also a complete arsehole?

Thanks for getting this fat xx

OP posts:
TheVisitor · 01/02/2011 19:18

How about asking one of your daughters to babysit occasionally? That way, you have DS in the day, go out when he's in bed and your DD kips over too. Win, win! Saves mucking about with current access arrangements.

caramelwaffle · 01/02/2011 19:34

Asking your daughters to babysit for you on some of the occasions when it is your " turn" would be a good idea: they are adult/young adult. Approach them directly.

For what it's worth, it sounds as if your ExH very much resents the thought of you having any kind of personal life; do not think that that is the case.
Good luck.

bubblewrapped · 01/02/2011 19:39

I can see your point, BUT you have 5 other nights in the week that you are off to see this bloke.

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