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Original poster

old cliche, affair with secretary ages 22!!!

41 replies

picklebanter · 01/02/2011 10:45

Dear mumsnetters, I don't know what to do. I found out two weeks agao that my husband of 10 years has been seeing a secretary in his office. I found text messages, pictures, hotel confirmations, receipts etc etc.
He has denied sleeping with her but eventually admitted a 'friendship' yes he took her to Nobu and other lovely places that we cant afford?! I confronted him with the hotel confirmation and he said that the hotel has made a mistake! i want to try and work this out, I have three children the youngest one. I don't know how to move forward though. I thought we were special, we weren't even going through a bad patch! I need to know the truth. Im pretty sure the hotel conf was not a mistake but he doesn't have the balls to tell me. what am I supposed to bloody do? I can't be a single mum, I already find it hard enough as is! Does anybody has experience/advice on such matters?

OP posts:
ValiumSandwichTime · 01/02/2011 14:44

God I'm mad on your behalf. You're eleven years younger than him and he's casting you in the role of the older woman. grrrr.

you can be a single parent btw. (IF it turns out that he's cheated, lied and lied and isn't sorry) The hardest bit is in the beginning, sorting everything out. The adjustment. But once you've done that you get a bit of a buzz from knowing that the shit hit the fan and you dealt with it and you're still standing. it gives you a bit of 'armour' for the rest of your life knowing without doubt that you're braver and stronger than you thought you were.

TimeForACHEEKYWineOrTheBottle · 01/02/2011 14:52

Do you know her name? is it in his phone as her name or something else?

My DH had Andrea as Colin - so when i mentioned what was the deal, i said whats the deal with you and andrea aka Colin' His face was a picture.

So if you can get his phone find her name,if it isnt in there, itl be under something else, does he have a contract mobile????? Can you access his statements or online statement? Find the number - it will be easy cos it will texted/rung numerous of times.

then when he is at home, just mention that you have a phone call to make and do what PP said 'hi im calling for XX hotel and we found an earring in the room you stayed in and just wondered if it was yours?

See what his reaction is. then kick the fucker out.

TimeForACHEEKYWineOrTheBottle · 01/02/2011 14:56

im mad on your behalf. although my DH did it to me it was an emotional affair and didnt go further, hmm then again he knew if he looked, texted, rung, spoke, made eye contact at her ever again his balls would have been used as an air freshener in the car. And she - well there are no words to describe little slags like them :) Specially when shes trying to come on to your husband at 9 months pregnant to her Fiance

ValiumSandwichTime · 01/02/2011 16:37

Andrea in the mobile phone as colin!?? Shock so bloody devious. And why not Andrew!? Confused but that's a small point.

perfumedlife · 01/02/2011 17:05

The other woman isn't your main issue here op, much as I'm sure you despise her for what she has done. He is the one who made the vows and he is the one who lied to you.

I would be gathering as much proof as you can, especially the hotel, for your own sanity if he is still lying. See a lawyer and get the facts of where you stand financially/homewise etc. Then confront him. It sounds like he doesn't take you seriously enough and is looking to brush this under the carpet. The problem is, if you do this, sure as eggs are eggs, it will happen again, or the marriage will crumble due to lack of respect.

Sorry this is happening to you, three kids and a young wife, he is a tosser.

TimeForACHEEKYWineOrTheBottle · 01/02/2011 17:40

valium yes i saw the number on the phone bill, went through phone when left it laying around and looked for the number as the name didnt come up - well first off i saw the number checked the phone under A - nothing so checked her FB and there it was her name with that number, then back to phone to check last 4 digits of numbers aka colin Wink

when i said to her hello colin, sorry i mean andrea - whys your number in my husbands phone?? she asked how i had got her number i said

well its on my husbands mobile phone bill every day 12 texts, 18 texts, but yets too busy to text me and you have your number on fb, if you want to be the other women - cover your tracks properly eh?

haha then i started on him Grin

although sometimes i think these things are sent to try us because we have never been as strong and happy since that.

i think i was more hurt that it was a week before my birthday that i found it all :(

Original poster
picklebanter · 01/02/2011 17:53

Well the statement came back from his club and he actaully had a room twice in January.
mmmmm need some wine, tonight not going to fun. round two :O(

OP posts:
nje3006 · 01/02/2011 17:54

Ugh pickle.

Good luck for tonight. Don't be gaslighted.

WimpleOfTheBallet · 01/02/2011 18:04

I couldn't find the bit about the earring op...where did you find it?

I understand about you not wanting to be a single parent...have you told him if he's not honest you're more likely to leave him?

perfumedlife · 01/02/2011 18:12

Oh god you poor thing, what a nightmare. Have you anyone who could take the kids for a few hours?

ValiumSandwichTime · 01/02/2011 19:55

Yeah I understand not wanting to be a single parent, but if a man knows you dread being a single parent, that that is your biggest fear, then he will abuse that.

If a man (a husband rather) senses that you ARE brave enough to cope with being a single parent then I think he will respect you more and be less likely to do things that would jeopardise his marriage. cos really, if he knows you dread/fear being a single parent above all else, well then what his going to jeopardise his marriage?

TimeForACHEEKYWineOrTheBottle · 01/02/2011 20:30

Awww Picklebanter hope you get some answers from him

TheSleepFairy · 01/02/2011 21:32

Omg pickle I really feel for you, try to stay strong.

tokenwoman · 02/02/2011 08:45

pickle

ive been there done that got the tshirt and the divorce, i know the fear your feeling, my exe's OW told me she didnt fancy my husband looked me straight in the eyes, liars always look at you in that wide eyed way
I didnt know how to be a single parent didn't want to be, was never in the life plan but I moved out when ex made it clear he wasn't going to give her up, that conversation took less than half an hour then he went out to her and i moved all his stuff into the spare room, moving out took 3 months during which we had one last xmas as a 'family' all through that time they both denied anything was going on as soon as the house was sold and the proceeds split they announced their relationship!
Although the whole process was horrid and nasty and stressful 10 years on I am self sufficient, no debts, (no assets either!)
and have brought up 2 reasonably well adjusted young adults with no money from ex

ask yourself do you want to spend the rest of your life with someone who treats you so disrespectfully and could you live with the deceict if you decide to stay with him, if you cant forgive, get out or it will eat you up inside
you are/will be stronger than you give yourself credit for
you need a plan of action if your going to go it alone and maybe some of the other posters will give you advice gained from experience
good luck

nje3006 · 02/02/2011 09:02

Wondering how you are this morning pickle.

TheSleepFairy · 02/02/2011 10:11

How are you doing this morning pickle?

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