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Relationships

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Original poster

the first kisses - do they tell you much?

19 replies

edelgard · 01/02/2011 08:16

I've been on three dates with a new man who I like a lot. We get on brilliantly well, lots of stimulating conversation and he makes me laugh. He's attractive too but, when it comes to the goodbye kiss, I feel nothing. Apart from a feeling that I want to get it over with and that I'm not enjoying it, at all. He on the other hand is very attracted to me and has said I'm a wonderful kisser and is looking forward to more!

So do I assume that I'm never going to fancy him enough? Just tell him I'd really like to be his friend (and I would) but don't feel the spark? In my experience if the first kiss is a let-down it doesn't get any better. Anyone experienced different?

OP posts:

JackieBauer · 01/02/2011 08:31

Hello, I dated someone for 4 months last year because he was so lovely in the hope that he would grow on me, he never did and I should have known better so I agree with you that the first kiss has to be special.

findingthepath · 01/02/2011 08:49

My husband kissed me the first time we meet and it was crap and has not improved in the 7 years together.

But he tells me he loves me everyday, hugs me and he is great in bed.

I dont think the first kiss means anything.

Original poster

edelgard · 01/02/2011 08:51

Do you mind me asking what the sex is like FTP?
Jackie, did you get beyond the kissing?

OP posts:

Mumbybumby · 01/02/2011 09:06

I dated guy who was great in so many ways (fun, intelligent, attractive, successful) but whenever we kissed there was just no spark or attraction. I gave it a go as I did really like him but ended it after a couple of months as it wasn't really fair on him and I couldn't see it going any further.
For me, if the attraction is not there when we kiss I don't really want to go further, but that's just me!
You could give it a couple more dates to make sure but I think it sounds like you already know how you feel.
Good luck :)

madonnawhore · 01/02/2011 09:16

Am seeing a guy at the moment and during our first date I was kind of in two minds, then when we kissed at the end of the night I just melted.

Anais Nin used to say that her lover Gonzalo's kisses were 'the song that brings the rain', meaning when he kissed her she got wet.

That's what came to mind during our first kiss :)

JackieBauer · 01/02/2011 09:17

Mumby I could have written your post

Edelgard, yes it went beyond kissing, the sex was nice but not great. Thing is I kept seeing him for 4 months because we got on really well and he was lovely to me, it really wasn't fair on him when I ended it

1234ThumbWar · 01/02/2011 09:19

My first h was a bad kisser, I should have stopped the relationship then.

Original poster

edelgard · 01/02/2011 09:26

I can see the general consensus is, no sparks during first kisses = flogging a dead horse if you keep it going!

That Anais sure had a way with words didn't she :) What should I do? Write to him and explain to him, he's so nice I want to be considerate.

OP posts:

findingthepath · 01/02/2011 09:33

The sex is great. He is very sentative to my needs, willing to try different things/positions and has go stamaner and knows where to put if IYKWIM

He is just crap at kissing.

For the first 2 /3 years we were like rabbits it was great. Lots of teasing and romatic gesters.

He is great in everyway but he just is not good at kissing

WhenwillIfeelnormal · 01/02/2011 10:01

From these posts, it evidently depends on the person and their mindset. I'd never heard of someone who was a bad kisser, but great in bed, but you live and learn .

For me personally, it mattered a lot and still does. My first kiss with DH was amazing and almost 29 years later, his kisses still are. Even when we were exhausted when the DCs were very young, the power of his kiss persuaded me to want sex, when I thought I wanted to sleep instead. I wouldn't want to give up anything with him, but the thing I would least like to lose are kisses.

madonnawhore · 01/02/2011 10:04

I'd rather be kissed properly than made love to averagely.

I could spend hours just kissing. It's gorgeous.

tadpoles · 01/02/2011 10:05

Can't remember where I read it (maybe Cosmopolitan about 15 years ago...) but it went something like: 'if a man can't kiss then he can't f*.'

zikes · 01/02/2011 10:12

Don't write to him, just tell him. I don't think a letter is best way to end things.

MakeYerOwnDamnDinner · 01/02/2011 10:22

What's the point of going any further if you're not even enjoying the preliminary stages? This is the beginning, the honeymoon period. His kisses should be setting you on fire!

Original poster

edelgard · 01/02/2011 10:33

Yes I know MYODD, they should. And I know from experience how I simply couldn't make myself desire a man if it wasn't there in the first place...

I suppose it's because he has so many other qualities and isn't in any sense a minger. Should I see him again and tell him then? It'll be torture!

And MW, I love kissing too, it's probably my favourite part and with him it was so so average.

OP posts:

zikes · 01/02/2011 10:37

I wouldn't see him again, just tell him on the phone, like.

findingthepath · 01/02/2011 10:38

I think a man can be bad at kissing but good in bed and good at kissing but bad in bed.

I think its more important to have a spark and butterflies in my tummy everytime i touch or kissed my husband than have a good kisser and ok sex butno spark or butterflies.

I think the kiss thing is a myth its more important how the man makes you feel. When your old and gray and cant have sex its the friendship, holding hands and huging that will last and the kissing. But its the way the man makes you feel is the main thing.

marriednotdead · 01/02/2011 11:02

There needs to be something there. It's like sex without hormones- all a bit silly!

If you are not enjoying the kissing at this stage, the way you feel is unlikely to improve with time.

Connection between ability to kiss and have good sex is co-incidental. Memorably had an amazing kisser who was useless when we got down to business

blondegirl1979 · 01/02/2011 13:30

I have never found a man who cannot kiss but is good in bed...I think the 2 have to go together.

I would say go with your gut, and if youre having to think about it that much and post a note on here then deep down you already know the answer. What I mean is, if it wasnt as issue for you, then you wouldnt have thought to mention it.

I look at it that if something needs too much deliberation then you dont want to do it, if you do then you insincivly just "know".

If you dont want to see him again, its best to just to tell him - how much detail you go into is obviously up to you, it may be something he could adress in the future, so you could be doing him a favour !

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