Have no idea where to go with this now.. and experiences?

[TheDevilAndTheDeepBlueSea]

ExH. He's being an absolute arse, and I don't know how to stop it.

We just cannot communicate. I try and try to explain that we need to talk about stuff rationally, and be civil to one another, but he just won't and I'm so tired of it. I have an appointment to look into mediation on Thursday, but even if it goes well, he'll never agree to it, and I'm pretty sure I won't be able to afford it.

We see each other every day, to either pick up or drop off ds, and he can't even look at me. The only time he calls or texts is to shout at me or send something abusive. I thought that this would stop after a while, but it's still going on and it's over a year now.

There is lots more detail to this story, but am just leaving work, so will have to fill you in later this evening.

I'm no wimp normally, I assure you. But this has me stumped. How are you supposed to communicate with someone that flatly refuses to do so?

Thought I would bump your message, I sympathise with you, I don't really have any advice, my exh was much the same, after two years I stopped speaking to him because of his behaviour to me, got the kids mobiles that he could speak to them directly on and put everything into letters regarding holidays, contact, etc, had to involve lawyers at times, horrible, horrible time, you can't make someone behave reasonably, you can only mitigate the circumstances in which you are in contact with them.

Thanks over.

I honestly never expected him to be like this. I thought he would be reasonable and adult, and he's been just dreadful. Not stalky or anything, just so incredibly difficult, about everything.

I just want him to be civil. No more, no less. All we did was separate, it was mutual, yet somehow, I'm constantly being punished. And it's really, really wearing.

How childish of him.

Is he moving on with his life? Do you think he wishes things had been different?

I think you need to tell him he can only speak to you about the dc. And perhaps do that only via email. That way, any abusive emails he sends, you can keep as a record in case you need them at some point down the line.

In fact, as you see each other every day, why does he need to phone and text at all?

To berate me, mostly, warzone. The coat I bought isn't suitable. I was offhand with his mum. I didn't put the right crisps in his lunchbox. You name it. Today's rant was because I took ds to school this morning, and he was crying when I left him, the teacher told exh.

He was crying because 'he wished he'd gone in the other door' You know - he's 5.

I'm just drained, and I have no idea how to deal with it - I can't afford a solicitor, I'm not entitled to legal aid, and it just goes on.

This isn't like me... usually I'm pretty feisty.

And no, he's not moving on. I want him to though - I actually do want him to be happy, just away from me.

Sounds like he wants to still control you, my not so favourite was I didn't cut their fingernails enough, it does wear you down, I can only say that cutting off all contact was my last resort, it made the next ten years total hell. Looking back I wish I had just disengaged from him everytime he started on me, just walked away and not reacted but still left communications open between us, maybe when he starts just either say I don't appreciate how you are talking to me and either put the phone down or walk away? Its easy for me to say that now I am away from that situation though, it is really hard and I know exactly how you are feeling.

It's difficult because obviously I have to have contact with him for ds - I have to leave my phone on when he has ds, so he's constantly texting me with nonsense and trivial shit - it's getting to the point where I dread the phone going.

Maybe I should get a cheap PAYG phone and have that specifically for him and his mother to be able to use if they need to talk to me about ds.