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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

why is he so horrible to me

1 reply

annbenoli · 31/01/2011 08:47

I have been with DH for 12 years, married for 10. We have three children ds1 (8), ds2 (5), and dd1 (2). They are lovely but hard work. He tells me that i do everything wrong. He tells me that I shout too much (which I have in the past). But even when I try really hard he is horrible. He keeps telling me that life is awful. I work three days a week and I do all the cooking. He does his fare share around the house too. When he is with the kids he shouts, but to him that is totally justified it only wrong when I do it. I tell him I cook all the meals he says, you mean you heat things up. He is so grumpy and constantly criticises me. Now Im not perfect I just do my best, and I dont always get it right. I really want it to work, I dont want to split our family up, but I dont know how long I can go on like this. Why cant he appreciate what we have got.

OP posts:
AttilaTheMeerkat · 31/01/2011 09:04

What are you getting out of this relationship now?.

You could be a complete Stepford Wife here and it still would not be good enough for him. He does not appreciate what he has and never will because he is at heart a deeply unhappy and damaged individual. I would be interested to know what his parents relationship is like; he likely learnt a lot of damaging lessons as a child. He is not your responsibility though and you did not cause that to happen.

I would suggest counselling for your own self (NO re joint counselling because of his ongoing emotional abuse towards you) to decide your long term future. You write you want to make this work and don't want to split the family up but it takes two and he's not at all interested in doing anything other than acting like a tyrant to you all. You cannot keep this going on your own If this family unit does split (and it it broken already) it is he who has done this.

This is all about power and control. What he is doing to you and by turn his children (they're seeing and hearing all this as well) is abusive behaviour. Look at links re emotional abuse.

What is him shouting at the children teaching them?. What are you both teaching your children about relationships here?

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