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Original poster

Am I wrong not to see what their problem is?!

13 replies

Sophina29 · 30/01/2011 19:28

Bit of a long story so will try and condense it down!

I was with a guy for 7 years, I waited and waited for him to ask me to marry him or to at least move in with him, he never did, other than this we did have a very good relationship, we were lovers, best friends etc, his family were all very kind to me and they asumed that one day we would get married and have kids. 5 years ago I started to get itchy feet and told him that I wanted us to move away abroad together and work for a few years then come back to the UK and settle down, I felt that I wanted to do something with my life and see new things before I had children, I nagged and nagged him to move with me but he refused, eventually we split up and I moved and worked in another country for 4 years, we will still in touch every now and again and he always said that he wanted us to get back together. 2 years ago I met another man, he seemed like Mr. Right, however I got pregnant and even though It was planned he left me as soon as he found out and has since had nothing to do with me or our baby. At the start of my pregnancy I moved back to the UK ( my baby is now 4 months old). 2 months ago I met up with my ex and since then things have progressed and he has made me remember what I loved about him, he now wants us to eventually move in together ( I have told him i want to take things very slowly as i now have my baby to think about), he has also said he wants us to have kids in the future, he is extremely good with my daughter. However, his family are dead against us being together, his Mum seems particulary pissed off that we are together, even though we used to get on so well. His brother and his friends are also telling him he's mental, he's a very strong minded person so is not listening to what these people are saying, he thinks that If I meet up with his Mum and Dad then everything will be ok. I personally can't understand why they are all so against us being together, yes i left him and eventually had a baby with another man, what was i supposed to do though? stay single forever? never have children? wait for him to pull his finger out and decide that he wanted us to settle down? Can anyone give me an explanation as to why they are so against us being together? Am I in the wrong?! Am I this harlot that his Mum seems to think I am?!

OP posts:
lalalonglegs · 30/01/2011 19:35

Have you had any contact with his family since you got back together? Who is it that is saying that they are against the relationship?

thisisyesterday · 30/01/2011 19:35

i wonder if the story he gave them when you initially split up was less than kind??

Original poster
Sophina29 · 30/01/2011 19:39

No I have had no contact with them since being back, he has told me bits and pieces of what they have said and he has said that his Mum isn't happy but will have to get used to things.

I doubt that his story was different to the truth because he thought he was in the right when we split, he thought i was crazy for wanting an adventure!

OP posts:
girliefriend · 30/01/2011 19:41

In my experience of being a single mum unfort there is still a lot of stigma attached and I wonder if thats got something to do with it. It sounds like you are sensible and its great you have been able to rekindle a romance. Keep going and his family will come round Im sure Smile

lalalonglegs · 30/01/2011 19:45

I don't know why he would tell you these things - what was the context? It seems the sort of thing that (a) immediately puts you on the back foot (b) makes you feel grateful to him for his "loyalty". It just seems odd to report these sorts of comments unnecessarily.

thisisyesterday's theory rings true too. Regardless of who was "right", he could have told them that you had broken his heart and, if what he is saying is true, they could be worried you will do the same again.

Original poster
Sophina29 · 30/01/2011 19:46

Yes i think that me having a baby is a big factor in it, when his brother found out i had had a baby he said 'well thats you two never getting back together then' ... his Dad knows I have had a baby and he said that he needs to make sure he is doing the right thing getting back with me, from what i can gather his Mum knows that I have had a baby but hasn't mentioned it to him!

OP posts:
BooBooGlass · 30/01/2011 19:48

I think you should run a mile tbh. He showed you no commitment for seven years, and is now promising you the world. That ship has sailed, move on.

Original poster
Sophina29 · 30/01/2011 19:51

lala i think that might be it - that they think i'll break his heart again, but if i hadn't have moved abroad though then i would have resented him forever for it. I had a great adventure .... and an amazing daughter to show for it!

He told me these things mainly beacuse i have asked him, and he's the sort of person who is bluntley honest when asked questions!

OP posts:
Original poster
Sophina29 · 30/01/2011 19:52

that is always in the back of my mind BooBoo

OP posts:
NettleTea · 30/01/2011 20:19

maybe they think that you are looking for a new dad for your baby, and as he was obviously still interested in you, that you have just picked him up where you dropped him - maybe they dont know the bit about him not wanting to commit before, or maybe he REALLY is a homeboy and going abroad scared the pants off him and it was an adventure he didnt want to have.
Possibly you being away from him, and then seeminly unavailable when with your ex, made him realise what he DID want, which is why he is willing to commit now. Also he may just have grown up a bit in that time and be ready to settle down - 4 years can have big changes, depending upon your ages.

NettleTea · 30/01/2011 20:21

also, before you went did you tell him you wanted to move in, get married, etc? Staying with someone for 7 years without moving in is still seven years together - if all was good between you then I wouldnt call that NO commitment

onehotmomma · 30/01/2011 20:29

But on the other hand Boo he may have realised exactly what he gave up when op moved abroad :)

MigratingCoconuts · 30/01/2011 20:40

Mums are always going to be protective of their children. If you broke his heart last time then this would be a huge worry for them.
He is also going to become dad to another man's baby and this also must be a big worry for them.

Have you tried suggesting meeting up and having a good old chat about what happened last time and how things are this time?

It may feel to you like this would be none of their business but it would also be nice for you to clear the air and find that old relationship back. these could be the grandparents of your future children and it would be lovely if they could be so to you dd too.

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