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Relationships

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Original poster

Would you say something to family members who go away lots and leave kids with others?

19 replies

DrNortherner · 30/01/2011 17:55

I know it's none of our business if they go away every bloomin week, but, they have 2 kids and ask us, and others to look after the kids quite a lot. This involves over night stays, school runs, homework, taking to activities etc etc. 1 child in partic gets very upset and misses them lots.

We get on with them very well, but feel slightly put upon on, and it can't be good for the kids can it?

BTW, tomorrow we have the kids for 1 night, then they go to a friends for 2 nights. This is their parents 2nd trip away from home this year. 1 more planned in Spring which will be at least a week. Plus the kids sleep over at Grannys every Sat night whilst they go out.

Shut up and put up or say something and risk offending?

OP posts:

WincyEtNightie · 30/01/2011 18:00

No, no, no! By all means say no to looking after them yourselves or, if you do, say factually that X got upset and missed them, but otherwise it's absolutely none of your business.

TmiEdward · 30/01/2011 18:01

I'd feel peed off and a bit used TBH, but wouldn't say anything.
I would decline to look after the children though.

Original poster

DrNortherner · 30/01/2011 18:02

It's hard to say no though.

OP posts:

RiojaLover75 · 30/01/2011 18:03

I kind of think 'lucky them' to be able to go away/ out so much HOWEVER if it's putting the DC under stress and upset it cannot be good.

Also it sounds like they're using you as unpaid childminding, do you get the same help from them as a reciprocating arrangement?

ajandjjmum · 30/01/2011 18:04

Are they business connected trips?

compo · 30/01/2011 18:06

Why is it hard to say no? Just tell them you've got something on. Is it family? I can't think why friends would think it's okay. Do you leave your ds with them?

FranSanDisco · 30/01/2011 18:09

Poor kids. I wouldn't say anything though as I couldn't think how to say it without offending them but I would feel as you do. Can you not start making a few excuses not and then?

jamaisjedors · 30/01/2011 18:09

Don't they reciprocate?

But I can't see how on the one hand you can't say no to them, and yet on the other you are contemplating commenting on their choice of lifestyle.

ZZZenAgain · 30/01/2011 18:12

could you say that it isn't working out, the dc get too upset

susiedaisy · 30/01/2011 18:14

do you tell them that one of their kids misses them terribly? if you do what do they say?

Original poster

DrNortherner · 30/01/2011 18:21

Yes they are family. Yes we tell them that one child cries. They know this, she has always been like this they say. As they are family that is why it's hard to say no. We love their kids to bits. Was thinking more of a 'c'mon guys, do you think you go away an awful lot, it's alot to ask of others and the kids miss you' kind of thing.....

But yes, am aware it's really not our business at all.

They would reciprocate yes, however, we do not have the money, nor the inclination to be away from home without our ds as they do. Not a judgement at all, just a fact.

OP posts:

MollieO · 30/01/2011 18:22

How often do they reciprocate? If it is equal then it is up to you whether you want to continue as you will also lose childfree time away if the arrangement stops. If it isn't equal and you don't want to go away the same amount then I would say something particularly about the dc who is upset.

If they don't reciprocate then asking them to might stop them from asking you in the first place. I'd do that if you are finding it hard to say no.

I'd add that I assume these trips are social and aren't for work. If they are for work then I might moderate my advice a bit.

Original poster

DrNortherner · 30/01/2011 18:24

Not work trips no.

OP posts:

MollieO · 30/01/2011 18:37

They could reciprocate but you could stay at home instead. Might be worth a thought.

Sarsaparilllla · 30/01/2011 19:28

If you don't like it then say you can't look after the kids but I don't think I'd tell them you think they go away too much, it's none of your business.

Teachermumof3 · 30/01/2011 20:40

How often do they have your kids? I know you've said that you can't afford to go away, but you can still go out for the evening-to the cinema/pub/for a walk!?

I think they are taking the p&%. Fair enough if other people want to have their kids, but if I were you, I wouldn't! Do they* think they are being reasonable asking you to have them so much??

mackereltaitai · 30/01/2011 20:46

What about saying what you would be happy to do? They say 'Are you free on weekend X as we'd like to go away' and you say 'We'd love to have the kids for Saturday afternoon but I really don't like doing the whole weekend because Y gets so upset when she's with us overnight.'

Or do you think you'd then just find yourselves picking the kids up from one sitter and dropping off to another, which would be even worse?

ChippingInSmellyCheeseFreak · 30/01/2011 20:49

If the kids are old enough to tell you they are upset, they're old enough to tell their parents they don't want them to go away all the time. If the parents know this and still choose to go, you saying something isn't going to change that, but they may ask you less - if that's what you want, then say something, if you'd rather have the kids when you can then I'd just leave it. When the kids say something to you, tell them they need to tell their Mum & Dad how they feel.

CaroBeaner · 30/01/2011 20:52

I would say you don't enjoy it as much as you might because one gets so upset, and defintiely don't take them if you feel out upon.
You could say 'oh, c'mon guys, you do get plenty of time to yourselves' - but don't mention the Saturdays with grandparents, that really isn't your business.

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