Just started new relationship, he tells me he thinks he's an alcoholic

[mirrorinthebathroom]

Ok, been seeing a new guy for a couple of months. Everything is going really well - feel really happy and comfortable in his company, get on really well, have great sex, it feels really special.

I've never seen him get particularly drunk, although we do drink together often, he's been on one big bender (his mate's stag do)since we've been seeing each other. But from what he tells me it seems he spent a lot of the past getting off his face and getting in to trouble.

Anyway, he has told me a couple of times now that he thinks he may be an alcoholic and he believes it's something he will need to deal with at some point but isn't ready to yet.

I know quite a lot about addictions (my sister is drug support worker) and have always understood that those with addiction problems can be incapable of having a healthy relationship. There is a massive part of me telling me to not bother with this relationship.

But other people are pointing out to me that we haven't had any problems yet, and I should wait and see how he actually behaves and how he treats me before breaking it off.

I wanted to come on here so I could get advice from people who have been in relationships with those with alcohol problems. should I turn away now, or wait and see? or will that be too late? am I setting myself up for massive amounts of stress and hurt?

I am well aware of gaslighting, my exh was wonderful at it also, Herbex.

Run and hide, thanks for sharing.

I wonder if your expeirences will help op make up her mind?

OP, you don't have to bin off the relationship right now. There's a way to tell what to do in these situations:

If you're someone who can have casual relationships without letting yourself really fall for someone, and/or you are very well-practised at forcing yourself not to care about someone else's problems, and/or you have no problem at all with erecting cast-iron boundaries about what behaviours you consider acceptable to you then, sure, go for it. Just don't let yourself get sucked in. Alcoholics can be a hell of a lot of fun. For short periods anyway.

On the other hand, if you fall in love with people, and you tend to worry about people you care about, and you find yourself second-guessing whether things are as bad as they seem or if you're making mountains out of molehills... Then run the fuck away and don't look back other than to breath a sigh of relief over the close call you've had.

He could be Brad Pitt with a donkey's cock and an ability to breath through his own arsehole. It doesn't matter. If he's already admitting that he's an alcoholic but is still determined to drink, he will fuck your life up.

His mates stag do has been going on for .2 months? Did I read that right? a 2 month bender?

I don't think he's been on "one big bender" ever since they met

Run away and don't look back

You cannot act as someone's rescuer or saviour in a relationship; both approaches are doomed to failure.

Get out of this now whilst you still can and avoid becoming his enabler (a pretty shitty job that) as a result.

Finish it while your sanity is still in one piece!

If you have kids even more important you dont get involved. He will zap all your energy and you will have little time for them.

Would be interesting to hear what your sisters advice is.

I trust after all these great posts you have your running shoes on mirror.

Get out. Men like this can be great friends, but terrible partners.

"what it did do, was f..k with my mind. I suspect now, that much of what he did, he did in blackout. Plus, he was gaslighting me anyway, so he would deny that conversations had taken place, things would mysteriously and maddeningly go missing, he would look at me as if I was mad when I mentioned events I remembered clearly and he said had never happened... he was always withdrawn and emotionally distant, making me feel as if I was intruding into his space when I talked to him.. it was a fucking nightmare. I felt as if he was on another planet sometimes, in a world that was completely apart from me. And of course, he was."

A very acurate description of the highly functioning alcoholic.

Mirror, I have read on here lots and lots of times where a man has told a woman exactly what he is like and she has not listened and then wondered how she got where she is.

He has told you he has this problem and he is not going to deal with it, you know what addiction can do from your sis. I would say walk away now OR at least talk it through with someone in rl, how about your sis?

Another possibility is that he is not, in fact, an alcoholic (I thought it was generally a massive thing for most genuine alcoholics to admit) but that he wants an official-sounding excuse to get steaming drunk regularly and behave like an arse. I don't think this is necessarily a whole lot better.

I don't post here often but I feel very strongly about this and wanted to offer my advice from my own bitter personal epxerience. My Dad was an alcoholic and he made my mum's life a misery for over 20 years and really affected my sister and I's childhood. Please get out now while you can, especially if you have children, you can't afford to get involved with him, for their sake if nothing else.

Her OP clearly states that he has been on one big bender since she started seeing him. This is very definitely a case of a man giving advance warning that he is going to be a shit partner. If you don't listen and dump him at the first sign of trouble it will be your own look out.