DD's heartbroken again

[andnowwhat]

regular poster but namechanged for this one.
24 year old DD lives 3-4 hours away. She phoned today sobbing saying that her DP and her have split. She has been with him 8 months and to DH and l seemed quite a nice bloke. Turns out he cheated in the past and begged forgiveness. He went out last night, she had a friend staying over, apparently he had been texting all night then as the alcohol kicked in became more erratic and turned his phone off after saying he would phone in 1/2 hour.
This is the pattern of the cheating incident
.
DD and friend went to his house and it all kicked off, he couldn't understand what her problem was and why she couldn't trust him. He grabbed at her and as a result she fell and hurt her leg, he reacted that it was all her fault, she was dramatic and off her head !!! He then threw her out the house at 2am.
I spoke to DD's friend today who witnessed all this and she admits that DD does have trust issues but she was not argumentative and he started the "fight".

So today it is all over-his decision. I think l am happy as l have found out he has a conviction for assault through being drunk and also a drink driving conviction. I want better for her.
However she has a job where there are only 5 centres in the country and can't return home here-jobs are few and far between. She will be quite isolated where she is.

DD's history with the males species is awful with her ex DP and his toxic family swindling her out of £3000 and the one prior to that was emotionally abusive.

I don't know what to do or how to help. I feel sick, she was happy last weekend when we visited and we didnt see this coming.

How can l help her? What can l do to make her see that she has had a lucky escape again?
Is there any kind of couselling that could help identify why she makes these crap choices in men.

Sorry this is so long and rambling but l feel so helpless being so far away.

This must be so hard for you. Sorry I can't offer any advice but just didn't want this to go unanswered. Hope someone comes along with some advice soon.

OP, can you encourage your DD to spend some time being single? It's hard, but it can really make you stronger and make you value yourself. it sounds as though your DD has problems with self-esteem, since she seems to be picking men who are - let's be harsh but honest - losers. She deserves better, she has to start believing that and the first step tgo that is to learn to be happy just in her own skin. Being single for 3 years was the best thing I ever did, I met my current DH at the end of it and now (nearly 18 years later, almost 13 married) we are still together.
Is it possible for your DD to get some professional help with this as well? I think it would make a big difference.

I don't know where DD lives but Relate offer free counselling for young people aged 14 to 25 so your daughter will just qualify.

As pointythings says the real problem seems to be her self-esteem issues. But when I was in my early twenties and seeing crap men I would have loved it if my mum had hugged me and told me she loved me and didn't say: 'Told you so.'

I think the only thing you can do to help is be a shoulder to cry on when she needs you

I made a few bad relationship choices when I was younger and my mum's urgent "ditch him!" attitude just encouraged me to carry on. She was always asking me to stay single for a while, but I knew I would do whatever I wanted and thought it was none of her business.

But hopefully, like me, she will start to see the error of her ways and find the perfect man and settle with him. Until then all you can do is be there when she needs you as the bad decisions will keep happening no matter what.

It's good that you care and you should feel proud of yourself for being so concerned. Don't feel guilty that you are helpless in this situation, as distance and the fact that she is her own person and will make mistakes whether you try and help her or not is just a part of being a mum.

how hard would it be for her to find another job or take some leave? I think by the sounds of it she needs to be home and needs some looking after and then some help on her self esteem.

i know how you feel my daughter is at uni in a different town, i got a similar phone call when her and her long term b/f split up. she had just started uni and didnt know anyone it was horrible to hear her sobbing down the phone i wanted to go and get her and bring her home.

i was so worried about her yet 2 wks later she met someone new,it made me realise that i might have few of them kind of phonecalls before she finds the one.

all you can do is let her know you are there for her and support her if she decides to look for a job closer to home. by the sounds of it your daughters breakup is a blessing in disguise.