When will I feel love????

[worthless]

Little bit of background - made a couple of threads on here over the last few months. Not sure whether to mention them again but dont know how to link them into this thread as not very teco minded!!!

First was "Crap wife - good mother" and second was something like "when is enough enough?"

Anyway rough couple of years with H.....he was to move out couple of weeks ago and rent somewhere for 6 months while we sorted our heads out but to cut a long story short he didnt go (there's a surprise) NOT....

Am I happy that he has stayed? No
Do I love him? No
Do I even like him? No
Are DC's happy? Yes
Are things at home calm? Yes
Is H on best behaviour? Yes
Do I think this best behaviour will last? No
Have I had sex with him yet? No
Is the pressure starting with regards to sex? Yes
Will he soon get grumpy if I dont have sex? Yes

How do I feel?????

Like I want him to just give me time to get to like him again, to trust that he has changed FOREVER and not just a few days, to get to love him again and to get to the place in my head that means I have truely forgiven the last couple of years and that we can truely move on as a couple. Trouble is that I am no where near ready yet. Definately a case of "work in progress" if you understand what I mean??

Will he give me the time or will he fall at the first hurdle?

Worth,

No, he has already failed you. He has not made it even to the first hurdle. He is abusive and has been so throughout all of your married life and I daresay also before you married him as well. Unfortunately you turned a blind eye to it for reasons only known to yourself.

My guess too is that you met him when you were very young and naive and he took full advantage of that.

All this man wants is to control you and your family utterly. He cares not a jot who he hurts in the process and by staying with him you are making it worse for you and any children who are unfortunately also seeing and are party to their parents private war.
This is harming them all.

Their house should be a sanctuary, it is instead a warzone. Your son tenses up when he hears his Dad's key in the door!! (you write about this in your previous thread).

You have a choice re this man; your children do not. If you stayed with this man you run the risk of your children as adults not wanting anything to do with you, let alone him. They will despise you for staying with such a man, for being too weak and could accuse you of putting him before them. This is no legacy to be leaving your children.

What are you both teaching your children about relationships here?. Both of you are imparting damaging lessons to them.

No wonder you feel worthless - he has done a fine job on you to get you that way. He has caused all your unhappiness and will continue to do so unless you legally separate.

What are you getting out of this relationship now?.

worth,

I totally understand( I have followed all your previous threads) as I going through exactly the same, and haven't posted until now. He says he is going to change, be a better person, try to save the marriage for the sake of the kids, etc etc.

Im trying to accept the same words from my dh, but its hard trying to forgive the past isn't it? So much has happened and can a person really change- i don't know probably not!

like you we are existing, no sex life( my choice and no intimacy)- not ready yet or maybe never will be.

i feel for you, we always try and put our dh/dp first and their needs, and try to do the right thing by them cos its what we think is right.

how do we get out of this turmoil, i don't know. making the decision to say enough is enough is massive and so final. the only thing which i see is different between you and mine situation is your dc is telling you he is scared of him. i think if mine dc's expressed that it might be the push i needed to go.

hope this helps probably not, sorrys

To you both,

These abusive men take advantage of your decent natures and crap all over it. They don't give a stuff about anyone except their own selfish damaged selves.

They all say they're going to change etc; its a tactic designed to give you hope (it is false hope) and keep you quiet and in line. They do not change and they do not think they are doing anything wrong. These men are abusive no two ways about it.

Why do you have such a mindset?. These men have done a bang up job on both of you. Your men are systematically destroying your family units and you're allowing it to happen as well. This is no legacy to leave your children and your future relations with your children could well end up damaged as a result.

Put yourself and your children first - not these men because they truly do not deserve your time or consideration. Stop putting their bloody needs first!!.