Hi, Lost. I've only read the first two, and the final page of your original thread. I'll read it all if I have time tomorrow.
When women post to this board about an emotional affair, we often cautiously advise snooping. This is because it can be far more painful to agonise over "what if"s than to compromise your integrity and find out what you're facing. Therefore I'm not going to criticise you for keylogging your wife's computer. You knew there was a threat to your realtionship; you monitored it to find out how much of a threat it was.
I am sorry you're going through this. I'm also sorry that posters to your other thread tried to catch you out / tie you in knots by hair-splitting and postulating irrelevant scenarios. That's hard to deal with for anyone in a state of emotional distress - for an Aspie it must have been extra confusing.
You don't need to know how you'd feel if you wife got too intimate with some guy at a party or some avatar in-game. What you have is a real-life challenge, where your wife is flirting secretively with another man. The fact that he's a thousand miles away is some reassurance perhaps, but imo that's outweighed by the fact that she continues her extra-marital relationship while lying to you about it.
As the pair of you have already discussed this several times - and nothing's really changed - I suspect there's nothing else you can do alone. I really, really urge you to get yourselves to Relate. A counsellor could help each of you unearth whatever issues led to this (the deceit) and, hopefully, devise a more optimistic furturee for your marriage.
Affairs do not always happen because of problems in the marriage. Sometimes affairs create the problems.