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Relationships

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Original poster

Am I being unreasonable?

18 replies

Lettie70 · 28/01/2011 13:31

DH and I have been trying to conceive our first child for 9months. I'm 32. He has just been offered work out in China for 3-4months. Although it would be fun, it's not actually a great opportunity for his career. It's just freelance work similar to what he normally does. I have said I don't want him to go because for me the priority is to get me pregnant. He can go away all he likes once i am pregnant but i really don't want to waste 4months of this year not being able to try. Is this unreasonalbe?

OP posts:

WannabeaShootingStar · 28/01/2011 13:41

I would let him go, a long time with sex makes the sperm extra potent so you will have more chance of conceiving when he gets back.

Too much focus and changing your life plans to conceive don't generally make it happen any quicker.

BluddyMoFo · 28/01/2011 13:42

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

compo · 28/01/2011 13:43

Go with him ?

Butterbur · 28/01/2011 13:45

You might not want him to go when you're pregnant and vulnerable/feeling sick/tired either. And certainly not after you have DCs. Now seems like a better time.

mrsnich84 · 28/01/2011 13:48

actually (as a semen analysis scientist) semen quality is at its best with between 3 to no more than 7 days abstinence. This is the maximum abstinence period we ask for our patients to have before submitting a sample for analysis. Having said that if you have been trying for that long maybe a little break would do you both good. It would let you focus on other things instead of just getting pregnant. You'll appreciate each other more when he gets back and he realises how much hes missed you. It can all become a little routine if its all about conceiving. Is there no way you could go with him for part of the time? it would be a wonderful experience.

KikiJane · 28/01/2011 13:49

I'd go with him and try when you come back. It'll be an amazing experience to have before settling down to have babies.

Original poster

Lettie70 · 28/01/2011 13:59

I definitely won't be able to go out due to work commitments. I am very concious of age and of how long it has taken not to get me pregnant. I think i will find there is even more pressure when he gets back knowing we have missed those months.
I should have mentioned that the line of work he is in, means he can travel a lot. Come December he will be going to India for 3-4months as well, which i have said yes too!

OP posts:

inbetweener · 28/01/2011 13:59

I agree. I would let him go, especially if he wants to go. He may feel resentful otherwise. Also, once the baby arrives or you fall pg you might not want him to go then

Original poster

Lettie70 · 28/01/2011 14:02

OP posts:

BluddyMoFo · 28/01/2011 14:09

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

mrsnich84 · 28/01/2011 14:13

well if hes going to india as well then i do think its a bit unreasonable of him to want to do both then. I can see your point if hes travelling that much. Whats he gonna do when you have children? keep travelling and leaving you at home with them? If its something he absolutely does have to do then fair enough but if its voluntary and india is voluntary as well then he might be taking the piss a bit. Is he as on board with the pregnancy thing as you are? do you think its a terrified father to be thing?

Malificence · 28/01/2011 14:22

"I would let him go, a long time with sex makes the sperm extra potent so you will have more chance of conceiving when he gets back"

Are there really people who actually believe this rubbish?

Original poster

Lettie70 · 28/01/2011 14:42

Thank you mrsnich, one answer i was hoping for!! Having kids is very importnant to both of us but i'm a couple of years older and really feel the tick tock iykwim and it does seem to be taking forever and that will only increase with age. These opportunities do come up a lot because of his field. Once we have kids, i can follow him around the world..well until i have to go back to work but i think it is more important to actually have a kid first. If this was a one off opportunity then of course I would let him go but as I say it's not...

OP posts:

cestlavielife · 28/01/2011 14:56

you are "only" 32. let him go - otherwise he will resent you.

maybe take the time and get some basic privately done tests on your ferility make sure you ovulating etc to allay any concerns .

are you monitoring your ovulation etc?

couldnt you arrange to go out quickly ther and back at the "right times" of the month?

Squitten · 28/01/2011 14:56

When is the China trip because if you get pregnant in the next while, won't he be in India for the birth...?

KikiJane · 28/01/2011 15:14

If you were hoping for a specific answer (ie "no, you're not being unreasonable"), surely there was no need to ask the question in the first place?

humanheart · 28/01/2011 19:13

for goodness sake kiki, give op a break! we ALL want to hear what we've been thinking is the 'right' answer but need to check what others think. great when we get the answer we wanted as that's a confirmation that erm we were NBU after all.

KikiJane · 28/01/2011 21:18

But only one person has so far given her the answer she wanted. She's stated that that is indeed what she wanted to hear.

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