Wrestling with my conscience! Help!

[EstroGena]

I like to try to be a good honest and loyal person!
Ive had some major problems with exp over last few years and a group of my girlfriends were helpful and supportive! I met them at a baby group and we met up on a regular basis!
Anyway, things settled down and my life moved on and we remained quite close friends as have our kids.
BUT
One of the group's partner betrayed her in a horrendous way and she was too ashamed to tell anyone except me. I was there for her, helped her, didnt judge her or pass nasty comment about him, and when she decided to stick with him and forgive him I didnt judge and remained close to her. I even had the police at my door through it for a character witness!! I said what I needed to to help her out!
THEN IT CHANGED!
She started to put me down infront of people/on facebook etc. She constantly made reference to my problems of the past and said some unforgivable things. Meanwhile I kept her 'secret' for 12 months and said nothing, keeping up the pretence infront of the rest of the group while I was made out to be the one with 'baggage'!
It became unbearable. I started to distance myself as it was getting so upsetting and I felt that I couldnt win! I was hurt and cross that she lived her 'pretend' life while mine was open to be criticised on.
I distanced myself so much that it was affecting my friendship with the others and she was just carrying on as normal.
SO
It reached the point where I couldnt bear it and i told one of the group the horrible truth! She was shocked but understood and has herself started to cool off with said friend.
I am struggling with it all tbh as I now feel like I have let myself down! I also feel that while she didnt deserve what happened to her, she didnt treat me appropratley afterwards and was trying to push me away as I know the truth!
Did i do right betraying a confidence? Was i protecting her or was I protecting him from the disgraceful thing that he did?
Am i right or wrong in my actions?
Help! What would you have done?

Whatever you did is done now.

You were hurting, you retaliated.

What you should have done is tackled her about it. Her actions were trying to get you out of the group, I expect because you reminded her of the bargains she had to make with herself to stick with her shitty husband. You were literally, the thorn in her side !

If he knew that you knew, he may also have put pressure on her to alienate you (She may have been doing it subconsciously, particularly if she is very controlled by him)

So, you should actually have told her that you were onto her, and that if she didn't stop treating you this way, you would break the friendship off yourself.

The problem is, that in groups of friends, there is inevitable taking of sides. Just because she did it (and forced others to) doesn't mean you were ok to do it too. Two wrongs don't mean a right.

Personally, I would have spoken to her plainly and then walked away from the whole group with my head held high. The rest of the don't sound much better, tbh

This is what happens sometimes when you try to be a good friend...it comes back to bite you on the arse.

It's best just to move on in this scenario, I think.

the rest of them

Thankyou Anyfucker (love the name)!!!

Youre right, I should have told her straight. I kept letting things go thinking that 'she didnt deserve what happened' blah blah but the longer it went on the more annoyed/hurt and i became and the more difficult it was to say anything. I did pull her up on a particular comment she made about my premature child and got a weak apology by text after trying to excuse it as a 'joke'!

For quite a while I grieved for the friend that I thought she was and lost as she turned out to be something quite different altogether!

I guess we live and learn. I have fought so many emotional battles over the last few years and life seems so shitty when even a friend becomes an enemy!

I regret divulging the info now but as you say I cant do anything about it or take it back.

Damn!!!! I am cross with myself!

You are human x

Hey, don't let it put you off being a good friend to someone in the future (just not her ...)

She is ultimately in the wrong here, but I guess she is deluding herself somewhere along the line and maybe things aren't so rosy in her la-la land

It is shitty to take it out of friends though

move on

You should have tackled her head on about what she was doing to you, don't let sympathy etc let u put up with bad treat ment

you reached a breaking point, that it all

dont worry about it, why should you care about her now. she obviously does not give a monkeys about you.

Just to be a twat i would tell the rest of the group and see what they say. But then again i can be a plonker sometimes.

difficult situation! it is very common that someone you support through a crisis will kick you afterwards, almost as if you remind them of the crisis - or, as in this case, also the shameful thing that happened, that she decided to put up with and forgive. you know but she wants it forgotten, as though it never happened. in trying to obliterate you maybe it was her way of 'obliterating' what happened?

now somebody else knows. i'm not sure I would talk to her tbh as, although that is the moral and right thing to do, I don't think she would take it very well and the pressure from her may increase. selfish advice I know. friends often turn out to be deadly enemies, unfortunately

it is hard when you have betrayed a confidence when it is totally out of character to do so. you did it to save yourself and your reputation (not a small thing!). you have to forgive yourself that you were put under a LOT of pressure.