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Original poster

Am I out of order?

23 replies

RoxyLady · 28/01/2011 06:33

I'm 39 weeks preg and my partners family are drivin me mad.
Constantly ringing or texting to see if im ok or in labour. I know they're excited but it's too much. If I don't answer within half an hour they start ringing my phone off.
I actually feel Like I'm having a surrogate child for them. His Sis has gone from speaking maybe once every two weeks or month to everyday.

I just want them to piss off. I've decided to stop answering them now and ignoring their calls completely.

OP posts:

SecretSlattern · 28/01/2011 06:37

YANBU, can you not ask your DP to tell them to back off a bit?

Original poster

RoxyLady · 28/01/2011 07:45

I have but they don't seem to listen
They all want to be at the hospital while I'm giving birth and I can't think of anything worse. Dh agrees we won't be telling them when I'm in labour but I'm worried they will just turn up

OP posts:

QuintessentialShadows · 28/01/2011 07:51

You need to inform the midwife that this is a possibility, and tell them to just keep them out, as you don't want them there, and neither does your husband. They are probably used to dealing with family who turn up.

(Are they American? There seem to be an American hype (on daytime tv) that families gather when women are in labour. They dont have to wait long though, as there seem to mostly be elective c sections...)

Original poster

RoxyLady · 28/01/2011 08:00

They are just obsessed with my baby. The more they do it the more I don't want them close. Even the thought of them holding her is freaking me out. I'm really developing a problem over it.
I want time to bond with my baby but I feel like they won't allow it.

OP posts:

spatchcock · 28/01/2011 08:06

Roxy - just be firm and tell them the truth. Tell them you won't be answering their calls. On my phone there is an option to screen certain numbers - can you do this? Leave the landline off the hook. If they call your DP get him to do the same, keep repeating what you've already said like a mantra.

I'm still early days at 17 weeks, but I suspect this will happen to me, too. I've actually told the ILs that the due date is two weeks after it actually is . I know that makes me quite a horrible person but otherwise I know I won't get any peace.

Myleetlepony · 28/01/2011 08:14

I think I'd sit down and write them some letters. Something along the lines of how it is wonderful that they are so excited and you love knowing how much they care. However you're feeling a bit fragile and tired and the constant calls and texts are getting a bit much and are stopping you relaxing. I wouldn't even bother mentioning them all coming to hospital, let your DP and midwife deal with that. If DP doesn't tell them they might not even get there. I'd probably put something in the letter about how you will let them know as soon as something happens, and ring to arrange for them to visit asap. Then add that you will want some time alone as a family after the birth, and to relax, so could they help by not just dropping in.

Expecting06112010 · 28/01/2011 08:16

awwww roxy, I know how you feel, someone that i didnt want at the hospital turned up and the midwife told me they were here i just swore and she kept them out, i elt like they spoilt my experience by actually beig there which put stress on me at the time i didnt need it, i would advice you to defo let your midwife know.

But i feel that them turning up was partly my fault because i didnt put my foot down sooner, and just say leave me alone.

Dont feel bad about telling them where to you have another to worry about without this added stress and if they get really upset about oh well thats not your fault and besides your pregnant say what you like, its allowed! ha

Expecting06112010 · 28/01/2011 08:19

elt - felt
beig - being
another - enough

oh my god i need to stop trying to type so fast!!! i obviously cant do it!!

primrose22 · 28/01/2011 09:36

I had this almost 10 years ago when I had my dd, it was just awful, I totally understand how you must feel and for what its worth, you are NOT being unreasonable.
I really regret not being firmer, I had a v.long tricky birth and wanted so much to have just a day or 2 at home to recover and bond with my dd. Everyone respected this, apart from my mil, who turned up hissing "you can't keep me away" I soooooooo wish now I hadn't been so bloody
polite. Those first few days are so precious and you and your dp have every right to stand firm and have YOUR wishes respected. Babies don't change a great deal in a week, grrrr it makes me so cross!
As for coming to the labour ward?! Good grief, I really feel for you It sounds as though you and your dp just need to be firmer with them, good luck! x

FedUpWithLies · 28/01/2011 09:44

Have you got an answering machine? If so, change the message to say something along the lines of:

'Thanks for calling and, if you are calling about the baby,then no, I'm not in labour yet. I'm resting/shopping/otherwise engaged. When there is any news, DH will will give you a call!'.

That way, you don't have to repeat yourself 20 times a day about whether you have any twinges!

mum2oneloudbaby · 28/01/2011 09:56

Mine were exactly the same. Rarely hear from MIL normally but before the birth everyday bang on 8pm straight after coronation street had finished . DS now 12 weeks and it went back to normal about 3 weeks after birth.

You have to be firm make DP answer any calls and it really should come from him that they should back off, if they're anything like mine they just ignore anything I say.

ScaredOfCows · 28/01/2011 10:11

Unplug your landline, volume off on your mobile, 'do not disturb' sign on front door.

Let the midwifed know you don't want them in when you are in labour. Get DH to tell them the midwives have said you need to rest after delivery for 24 hours, so to arrange visiting in a few days time.

How very selfish of them.

Original poster

RoxyLady · 28/01/2011 10:21

They are a selfish family anyway. They haven't thought about what I want with my own family.
I've stopped answering calls and told Dh he has to deal with it. It's too much to cope with.

OP posts:

mamas12 · 28/01/2011 19:59

You are most definately NOT out of order!

Do the answerphone thing on both your landline and mobile and let dh get it all and deal with them.

Sit him down and explain that it's not on YOU are the one giving birth and that you need to do it without being pressurised or stressed out.

He needs to step up and start being the husband and father that is needed in this situation.

Let him show you hwo much he loves you by looking after you.

catinthehat2 · 28/01/2011 20:08

Get DH to tell them the midwives have said you need to rest after delivery for 24 hours, so to arrange visiting in a few days time

Get DH to tell them the midwives have said you need to rest after delivery for 72 hours, so to arrange visiting in a few days time

catinthehat2 · 28/01/2011 20:09

or they will be at you by 24.5 hours

sharon2609 · 28/01/2011 20:13

I'd put my foot down now or maybe you'll run the risk of them 'taking over' when baby arrives

sparkle101 · 28/01/2011 20:16

Direct them to "haveyouhadthebabyyet.com" amd then speak to the after that! They may get the hint.

realrabbit · 28/01/2011 20:18

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

atswimtwolengths · 29/01/2011 16:55

Really, though, the hospitals shouldn't have to deal with this. We're paying our taxes to hire people to deal with in-laws like this!

When a woman is pregnant, she should be able to name one or two people who will be present and nobody else should be allowed anywhere near the labour wards.

kaj32 · 29/01/2011 22:25

I had this with my MIL, mother and sister when i was pregnant. It is a pita.

You really do need to put your foot down now. Do the answering machine thing and if that doesn't work phone them a 6am every morning to tell them you are not in labour! Refuse to let them in the house without food too.

Also tell them that hospital don't allow visitors because of flu risk. When home, give them a time plot to visit then have dh throw them out (nicely but firmly). He they say they want to help send them shopping, have them do housework etc.

And remember, this is your baby. Your bonding comes well before any other family.

Good luck

TimeForACHEEKYWineOrTheBottle · 30/01/2011 11:31

My sister was like this when i was at the end stages of pregnancy with my DS1 - we used to go to ante natal classes every wednesday from about 30 weeks - was 6 weeks long.

Our phones would be off for the 2 hour session and when we turned them back on we (me & DH) would have lots of messages saying:
why are your phones off? Are you in labour?
Have you had baby?
Where are you?
Turn your phone on?
Are you having pain?!

FGS fuck off will you. Arghhhhh it used to piss me off something cronic. i used to just ring her back and say

yes iv had him at 31 weeks and now were home but didnt think id ring you cos didnt think you'd want to come to hospital

She would say 'oh have you?

i used to just say when i go into labour I WILL RING YOU

just say that to them, and then say if you keep bothering mee when i do go into labour i wont let youu know.

mamas12 · 30/01/2011 11:37

I love this idea of ring them up at all hours of the morning telling them I've just had a pooh but no baby sorry no news.

Go on do that go on.

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