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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

The Get Back In Touch With Friends Project

25 replies

ItsGraceAgain · 27/01/2011 10:38

It's insane to assume my old friends (the few of them who really are nice people) don't want to hear fro me - that's up to them, isn't it?

It's insane to assume they don't want to know me now I'm poor and unwell.

And it's unhealthy to be 'ashamed' to make contact. So: today I have ...

Emailed one friend, who lent me money I can't pay back. I've explained, apologised, and asked about her new DC.

Am planning to contact at least one more today, and could do with some company :)

OP posts:
MummieHunnie · 27/01/2011 11:00

I am marking my place, do let us know how you get on.

Original poster
ItsGraceAgain · 27/01/2011 11:00

Thanks, MH :)

OP posts:
maryz · 27/01/2011 11:07

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
ItsGraceAgain · 27/01/2011 11:43

I know, maryz, it's totally weird, isn't it? :(
It's taken me years to get around to just this one email (so far). I'm very grateful for Facebook and LinkedIn - it's a manageably low-exposure way to start renewing contact ime.

Keep posting, if you feel like it.

OP posts:
Mumfun · 27/01/2011 11:46

Great idea - people are much happier and healthier when they are in touch with a good number of friends.

gettingeasier · 27/01/2011 12:16

Yes good thinking and funnily enough I emailed an old rarely seen friend earlier , dont do FB etc isnt that the modern way of getting back in touch ?

IAmReallyFabNow · 27/01/2011 12:26

I miss all my friends that I lost touch with and have no way of finding where they are Sad.

maryz · 27/01/2011 14:18

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

thisishowifeel · 27/01/2011 15:11

grace I have enjoyed being in touch with my old friends more than I can possibly say. I wish I'd been healthier enough when seeing them regularly, to have realise what amazing, funny, articulate and intelligent people I have in my life!

And most of all, discovering how much they seem to like me, is the biggest ego boost, well, everything boost really, that I think I have EVER known.

Facebook is fantastic. I am fairly strict about only friending people I have known really, but am quite relaxed about it really.

It was thanks to this that I ended up singing all night on stage, in a basque, to a couple of hundred people, with some brilliant, wonderful and amazingly talented friends of mine. The best laugh I've had in decades.

Go for it Grace, and anyone else. Just remember everything we have learned about trusting instincts and protecting those little princesses inside us. :)

thisishowifeel · 27/01/2011 15:16

To add:

The thing about Facebook is that it is completely within your control. You can join in, or not as you wish, if you're not in the mood one day, or one week, it doesn't matter, no one will take umbridge if you are not there or do not reply instantly to them.

It's very free-ing

Original poster
ItsGraceAgain · 27/01/2011 15:34

OMG! This morning's friend has mailed back to say she's been embarrassed to contact me! Apparently she behaved badly the last time we met - whatever she thinks she did, I didn't notice. I'm thrilled!!

thisis, I don't have any FB 'friends' I don't know from real life - and have blocked a couple of ex-boyfriends who were clearly hoping to become a thread on here at some point Hmm

It gets too much bad publicity. You have good control over who can see you, how much they can see and, as you say, how much interaction you choose. It's a lifeline. Go for it, maryz :)

OP posts:
QueenofWhatever · 27/01/2011 20:27

My experience has been similar to thisishowIfeel's but without the singing and the basque.

It has been such a pleasure and an honour to have people contact me after 10, 20, 25 years. Do it.

Original poster
ItsGraceAgain · 02/02/2011 19:24

Well, I fell at the first hurdle. Am just bracing myself to get back up, dust self down and start again (again) - a little sadder; a little wiser.

My friend asked "Why are you not happy?" so I told her. I didn't write a litany of woes, honest! And it wasn't all about me. But, as a letter from a long-lost friend, it doubtless came across as selfish and whiney. It's been a struggle for me to learn to admit weakness - it's something I've learned since we were last in touch and, like everyone exercising a new skill, I'm clumsy with it. What I didn't say was "I still have depression" which would have been an adequate answer to her question.

In fact, I would have done better to write something like this post Blush So I'm going to try again ... Possibly in handwriting this time, so I can't just type and send.

OP posts:
nemofish · 02/02/2011 21:28

Grace, I have contacted two old boyfriends blokes whose parents kindly took me in when we I was 14, on facebook.

Over the past year they have been a fantastic support to me and I am thrilled to ahve some substitute 'family' back. I'll admit to some shame, as I was understandably bonkers as a teen and quel surprise I'm bonkers now, but I have been able to discuss why and they have been lovely. See them regularly too. Smile Also turns out that a friend of theirs who I only met a few times, but we have other mutual friends, has depression too so we have had a buddy system going for over Christmas which probably, along with increased medication, saved my life.

I blardy love facebook. I do get a bit upset that the vast majority of the now famous people I went to drama school now seem to have developed amnesia and refuse my friend requests Hmm Still busy people, etc.

Don't worry about what other non famous people think of you.

nemofish · 02/02/2011 21:30

You know that I'm off on fb to hunt you down find you now, don't you?! Wink

Original poster
ItsGraceAgain · 02/02/2011 21:31

I'll be looking out for ya :)

OP posts:
Original poster
ItsGraceAgain · 02/02/2011 21:33

ps: I remember your story about the lovely boyfriends' lovely parents. It's really lovely to hear that you're all mutually supportive still/again :) Inspiring! Thanks! x

OP posts:
Original poster
ItsGraceAgain · 02/02/2011 21:33

lovelylovelylovely Blush YKWIM

OP posts:
Original poster
ItsGraceAgain · 06/02/2011 15:10

I misjudged my friend - and myself.

She's written a fantastic email back, and now I feel as though we're going to become close friends again :) Or, rather (and better), close friends anew, as our lives have changed so much.

It's really given me a boost! Just the one email seems to have changed my outlook for the better - can't wait to get in touch with some more of my favourite people now. Hurrah!

OP posts:
LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 06/02/2011 16:08

Oh fantastic, Grace... I'm really pleased for you. I bet your friend is so happy that you got in contact with her again and she sounds like a diamond.

One can never have too many good friends... :)

Original poster
ItsGraceAgain · 06/02/2011 16:39

Thank you :) She certainly is a diamond.
I really appreciate all the patient encouragement!

OP posts:
KittaKatta · 06/02/2011 16:42

Just wanted to say what a lovely thread. . really nice to read a happy one.. Hope all goes well Grin

mummiehunnie · 06/02/2011 18:10

GrinSmile What good news Grace.

dirtygerty · 06/02/2011 18:33

Really happy for you Grace, you are so caring on here and have helped me hugely. You deserve some kindness back. Smile Of course she was pleased to hear from you, and so will any others you contact.

TotalChaos · 06/02/2011 20:09

Lovely thread. I need to make the effort to not rely on the internet and fb for maintaining friendships tho.....

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