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Original poster

DH lies

44 replies

witch6 · 26/01/2011 23:19

So, today, I went on his lap top to copy some photos from Christmas.
As I opened the photos file- I find a bunch of photos of very old woman in her underwear and then photos of him in suit and then with trousers down....
2 years ago, I found an email that was a photo of his d"£" to the same woman. At that time he blamed it on his friend who was staying with us as his wife had left him.

So I'm waiting for him to come home from work to discuss further.
We have a beautiful 3 month old son. But, he has been lying to me for 2 years. Its the same woman. Today on phone confrontation- "she keeps pestering me". WTF!!!
I feel many many things- he was basically a cocaine addict when I met him and has turned his life around or so I thought...
What to do- kick him to kingdom come?? But we have a baby... I know if we split, I won't want him to have any unsupervised contact as I'm pretty sure he will degenerate into a using mess again.....
I don't really have any RL people to talk to as they all will be a lot "told you so" and quite rightly...
Will have to go back to work early to pay the lone parent bills.
My parents (and his) will be devastated..
Will I ever trust him again??

OP posts:
Original poster
witch6 · 27/01/2011 00:19

She's more like 15 years older, and ugly and common. Gross!!
God, sound like such a snob and probably am when it comes to where my DH should be spending his freetime

OP posts:
readywithwellies · 27/01/2011 00:19

Some men are just - yes I know women do it too before someone gets on their high horse.

readywithwellies · 27/01/2011 00:21
Original poster
witch6 · 27/01/2011 00:22

Knows she'll be first in the queue come tomorrow morning(!)

OP posts:
readywithwellies · 27/01/2011 00:22

You do sound like a snob tbh but you are entitled to feel however you like in the circumstances. Maybe you should invite said friend around to inspect his penis Grin then you will know for sure.

readywithwellies · 27/01/2011 00:23

Seriously, docs was first thing I did once I stopped crying.

readywithwellies · 27/01/2011 00:26

When is he home?

perfumedlife · 27/01/2011 00:32

Grin cant stop laughing at chinchilla!

God op, am so, so sorry. Is it possible theri contact has only been on skype, no flesh contact so to speak?

readywithwellies · 27/01/2011 10:17

Witch - How did the showdown go?

Original poster
witch6 · 27/01/2011 11:41

Well, he was pretty distraught. Says it was once, skype only, and he is so ashamed and embarrassed. Loves me and the baby more than anything. Wants me to have all his passwords and csnncheck his phone etc whenever I want.
Says he was really drunk and is not going to drink again as that is how he's dine such a stupid thing to his family.
He claims that she found him on fb in December and hs been pestering him. He also claims that the 2 years ago thing was him and friend whose wife left him messing around(!) that's definitely not in his character, but neither is skanky skype sex or so I thought.
We are going to talk again tonight when he gets
Home.
I know he hasn't met this woman as she lives a couple of hundred miles away and he's been working or at home....
Need to talk more I guess, thanks for listening to rant.
X

OP posts:
readywithwellies · 27/01/2011 12:16

Only time will tell if you can trust him or not.

I checked my exh phone and facebook, he hid it well - he still had an affair for at least 4 months, there are ways around it if they are inclined to do so.
How do you know he is at work, I thought my ex was, he wasn't.

I thought I knew ex, I SOOO didn't.

As a minimum, open a back account for ds and start siphoning off anything you can just in case you need to leave.

Good luck

Original poster
witch6 · 27/01/2011 12:42

Oh, financially, it's him who has to worry. My house, and am main breadwinner...
I really do think he's been at work- he's really into his job and has always given too muc detail of his day but I guess he could be lying about that.
Am very confused, and very sad......
Our poor son...

OP posts:
perfumedlife · 27/01/2011 13:04

Oh witch, am so sorry.

Is he saying he is just sending her pictures and vice versa?

Even that would be a big blow. You don't need to make any decisions now. Talk more tonight but feel free to tell him you are going to take a few weeks/months to decide what to do, and gather more evidence if you can.

Thinking of you Sad

Original poster
witch6 · 29/01/2011 00:13

Day 3 and getting much less weepy; actually left the house and walked the poor dog(!)
I do believe him, the story is consistent. And, he has so far stayed well clear of booze, and a night where he doesn't have work in the morning would always mean beers or wine normally. He remains pretty tearful about the whole thing to, and hasn't really eaten...
The OW has only recently joined FB- the joys of the internet. These things are soo easy to find out. So, his story goes with the evidence she has put into the cyber ether via her business website- she does some bullsh"£t nonsense job, where waffle is important and one can debate FB for days/weeks(!)
He's going to his parents for the weekend.
Every time I look at him I cry; its pretty draining...
I want to get over it and put this behind us, but can't yet.
Any ideas how long it will take??

OP posts:
Doha · 29/01/2011 00:45

you won't get over it that easily second time around.
Same woman two years on!!!
you are off your head giving him the time of day, he is distraught that he has been caught AGAIN and you have foiled his little game.
Trust has been shattered AGAIN and you are prepared to try and forgive AGAIN.
more foo,l you,
Do this once shame on him do this twice shame on you..

Original poster
witch6 · 29/01/2011 23:14

Doha- your sentiments are resonating with me.
I keep googleing this woman, am torn between dignified silence, finding her and smashing her face in (have never done anything like that before) and hacking her company website and writing rude things all over it (I couldn't do this, am useless with computers).
I'm clearly very angry at him, but seem to be more sad than anything else.
But, can't get over that a grown woman would do this to a new family...
I need to get a grip don't I?
Today, it occurred to me that they both were at an event in the summer.
He said he thought she was there but didn't see her.
He said that it was terrible enough as it is, without me torturing myself and making the situation even worse..
How do you put this behind you?

OP posts:
perfumedlife · 29/01/2011 23:29

I don't think you can put this behind you Sad

It's the fact he learnt nothing the first time he was caught. He knew what he stood to lose and didn't care enough to stop.

She didn't pester him, that's just his lame attempt at damage limitation. He kept the pictures as souvineers, in your home that you share and make love in.

This is beyond saving witch, in my opinion.

susiedaisy · 30/01/2011 20:26

i feel so sorry for you, but i feel this sort of thing will always continue to pop up in your relationship, only you know if you can rebuild the trust second time round, my ex had issues with sex phone calls, pics of strange women turning up in his works bag, pics of women's knickers on his phone, never really got to the bottom of what it was all about and why the fuck he needed to do this repeatedly to me and the kids, but suffice to say it completely eroded any respect, trust and love i had for him in the end, unfortunately some people have a darker secretive side to them that they try to hide, but it is always there lurking in the background, and will catch you unawares time and again, IMO

Scottie87 · 31/01/2011 11:07

you can block people on fb so surely if she was pestering him, he could have just blocked her

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