Pissed off and need help to sort things out.

[Uist]

I've name changed for this as I think DH knows my usual posting name.

Over the last year or so the relationship I have with DH has changed. The way he is with me is different.

The dynamic has changed in that he left his job to become a sahd and I am now the working parent. We have 4 ds.

I have had a lot of resentment about this as he left his job without discussing it properly with me. I've got over it now and we have settled into new routines.

But his hobbies have taken over and are all he can talk about. He shows little interest in my work, my hobby or anything else I have to say. He will grunt or make a small comment on any subject I raise but will talk endlessly on his hobbies. He will turn conversations so they are about him.

Our sex life is weird. Most of the time it is fine, great even. But then it's as if he isn't really there with me. He used me horribly last year after he had an op and feared his penis was 'broken'. When after a week it worked he dropped me like a piece of rubbish. After being at me all day every day for a week. Beon't get me wrong, that week was fantastic for me but once he came that was it.

Tonight he is arranging coach travel for his hobby. Twice yesterday I mentioned a coach company and he just mumbled a reply. Tonight he got excited as he'd 'discovered' the same company. WhenI said I'd suggested that one twice to him he said ' did you? I don't remember.'

I don't know what I'm asking really. I know I have to talk to him but I don't know where to start. I'm hoping writing things down will help me see things more clearly.

Sorry things aren't great for you. I was wondering if DH is beginning to realise exactly what he's done by leaving his job - all the talk about his hobbies etc could be because he's not got work to talk about, IYSWIM. When you talk about your job, it reminds him that he doesn't have one. Maybe there is a kind of subconscious jealousy that you have adults to talk to all day and a purpose in life.

You're right, you do have to talk to him. How about starting by asking him about his day, or one of his hobbies, and when he has finished say to him "Right, I've listened to you for .... minutes, now it's your turn to listen to me." If you tell him how you feel, and that he's making you feel used and irrelevant, it might give him a wake-up call especially if he's not doing it on purpose. Maybe he thinks he needs to have lots of hobbies and tell you about them to keep being interesting, so that you don't see him as a failure with no life.

Sorry this is a bit jumbled, just putting down my thoughts really.