Sex, Sex, Sex

[FeelingHarrassed]

Married for 10 years and have 3 children.
Our sex life has always been very good. My DH is a great lover and very imaginative. I cite that he keeps the sexual chemistry alive in our relationship.
I'm a SAHM and unfortunately DH was made redundant at the end of last year.
We're confident of him finding a new job his skills are quite niche and he already has lots of positive feedbacks and several interviews.
Since he's been off work he's just turned sex mad.
He follows me around the house shadowing me and pressing up against me, gropes me, puts his hand up my skirt, removes my clothing etc
It's so fucking annoying. You know, peeling potatoes with kids shouting you from another room is not my idea of an afrodisiac but it doesn't seem to fase him.
Youngest still naps in the afternoon. Traditionally this was my time to prep the tea or unwind with a cuppa to crap TV but now it has become his sex window.
It was fun when he was first off work but now he wants sex at every available opportunity.
I've tried to explain diplomatically that though I enjoy sex, sometimes I have my mommy head on and sometimes I have my sex kitten head on, there's a time and and place for both but he just does not take the hint.
If I'm more direct he looks like a puppy that's been kicked in the balls and he starts being really sarcastic, like hurfull in the gise of a joke?

Today kids were in the bathroom brushing their teeth for bed and I was fixing thier duvets and DH cupped his hand between my legs, I told him stop it not now and he cupped tighter, I flew around and shoved him away, he called me a bitch and left the room!
I was so pissed off.
Once the kids were down, niether of us mentioned it. He's now popped out to see a mate (don;t fret, I do actually trust him).
I'm really struggling trying to find the words to make him understand that though I am his wife and love him he is invading my personal physical space and its not only annoying but creepy.

very creepy!! and abusive too....i'd talk to him again,if it continued i'd be off!!!

How about what you said to us? Sounds like there is a control/macho/loss of sense of power thing going on too. It's not ok.

Don;'t try and spare his feelings. he certainly doesn't when he treats you like an object.

Sex is something that should be shared. It is not something to demand or give merely to placate.

explain that you will not be groped like that when the children are around.

And tell him you will go on a sex ban until he gets the hint

I keep hearing here how being out of work seems to depress some men as they feel emasculated at not being able to "provide" for the family.
Perhaps this is a kind of backlash and he is trying to establish his role as the dominant cave-man you can't keep up with in order to demonstrate and reinforce his masculinity? Sounds like projection issues and not fair on you - have you tried speaking to him gently about it? Also sounds as if he is trying it on when he knows you will say no due to the circumstances so setting you up to fail, in a way? Could it be a power thing?

Oh God, this is like deja-vu. It is creepy.

I've had a similar experience with DH. I pushed him away when he shoved his hands between my legs in the kitchen. The kids were in the other room and I could here them calling me. I told him it was creepy - he used this as yet another pathetic excuse for his affair. (You called me creepy, I was so hurt)

Sit him down and explain how women like sex. Ask him how he thinks he can make sex better for you?

Tell him absolutely that you will not accept being called a bitch because he wants to grab you, even when you tell him to stop. Make this totally clear. You must not accept this. Tell him he will have to leave if he does it again. Ask him to seek help if he cannot control himself.

I am sure that being out of work has affected his self-esteem, but that doesn't mean you are his cum-bag. He doesn't seem to have any respect for you at all, and that's really worrying.

Just out of interest, is he watching a lot of porn during all this free time?

Bump

BelleBelicious we both like porn and watch it in equal amounts, surprising to allot of women I know, but we do exist.

This sounds alot like my OH.Like you I used to enjoy the fact that he was a great lover, adventurous etc.I was also the same way.Children came along and sometimes I had to be mummy not sex goddess.Thats when the cracks in our relationship appeared and I saw that H had a problem.The grabbing,fondling etc that was just a little bit and playful,so was ok now became intrusive and all the time.I went off sex and the more I pulled away the worse it got.

This could be the path that you are going down.Your H is treating you like an object.He believes he is entitled to sex and to grope and fondled you.By doing this when you have clearly said you don't want it has already become abusive and will get much worse if you don't put your foot down now.And even if you do explain and say enough is enough he probably won't get it and see you as the problem not him.

Also losing his job is not the 'reason' to now behave like this.Other people who lose their jobs don't do this.Yes he is probably suffering from low self esteem annd feeling emasculated but thats not an excuse to abuse you.

Oh btw I like porn as well.Nothing wrong with couples watching porn together.

But again does he watch alot of porn and then try things out on you or treat you like the women in the porn film.If so he has a problem and its likely to get worse

I don't agree with threatening him with a sex-ban. I don't think sex should ever be used as a bargaining tool.

It might be as simple as just talking to him. Letting him know that you love him, you love sex with him, nothing has changed there but that it irritates you when he just grabs you all the time.

My boyfriend is a bit like this, but he's also very sensitive so I try not to lose my temper with him. When it gets too much, I take a deep breath, then just gently tell him that I'm busy/that he's driving me crazy and that I will give him plenty of attention when I'm finished doing whatever I'm doing. I try very hard not to snap or be impatient with him, and to let him know that I do love him but that being groped while I'm folding laundry is not arousing, it's just annoying.

No, it doesn't surprise me that you like porn, nor do I necessarily have strong views on it.

However, your DH's behaviour is really wrong - and I think he's got the message that it's OK and you are the wrong one for rejecting him. Personally, being called a bitch for not bending over and taking it at his will with no regard for your pleasure, seems really fucked up to me.

Anyway, I just wanted to say that this is serious, not just a bit annoying. It goes to the heart of what he thinks you are there for, and in my experience, it's worth sorting out properly. If he's using porn a lot more than usual (being at home and unemployed) then that might be part of the problem, bear it in mind.

Perhaps as well he has too much time on his hands. If he's not currently working, he should be doing as much work as you do with the house and children. It would cut into into his groping opportunities.